Some Fun

I had some fun in band class. I sit next to the euphonium player (who is a very talented musician) and today he brought with him a little rubber fetus about 2 -3 inches long. He got it from some event at the University Center. This band mate is a character to begin with (during one song, which is very cartoonish, he kicks his one leg out for emphasis while playing - it is funny to watch) but with props, especially with something off the wall as a little rubber fetus, he is hilarious. Ok, maybe I just needed a good laugh too. He was putting that little fetus in all sorts of places - in his instrument (it almost got stuck in there), up his nose, hanging from his glasses. Of course the funniest spot was hanging out of the fly of his pants; naughty, naughty but very entertaining in a juvenile sort of way. It gave me the case of the giggles which is not good (although I did need the laugh) because I am not a very talented musician (at least not on the trombone) and need to be focused in band. I hope we were not irritating the band director. I felt like I was 15 and in high school again. I don't know if that is good, bad, or just makes me out to be a very silly woman.

 

Well I felt like a 15 year old until I went over to UCEN after to class, weighted done with my trombone, a big purse, and my backpack - I can barely walk with all that stuff and it makes my bones ache. I had to see if I could get a little fetus of my own but they were all gone. Darn it! I really wanted one.

 

Now I am sitting in the library with my lovely new pink laptop. I skipped my last class so I could come up to the top floor of the library and write. I like it up here - it is quiet and I sit facing a wall of windows, looking out on the campus and the Flint River. It is a nice day outside. I half thought about going out on the grass to write but although somewhat pretty to look at, the river often smells like sewage. PU... Flint is looking good up here though. It warms my heart and gives me hope. Spring is on the way, rebirth... and all that.

 

I love my new pink laptop. It gives me more freedom around campus and I am hoping it is going to give me a push to write more. It does seem to be working. I am thinking about hanging out in the library more often - I seem to get more done in here than if the computer labs at school. I think it is because of the quietness and also I have windows to look out of. 

 

I also have a new pink backpack to go with the laptop and it seems to lighten my load, even with carrying the extra weight of the computer. Must be that it distributes the weight better than my old backpack. Can't really do much about the trombone though. Now if only I could find a way to get some good hot tea up here everything would be perfect. Well that an the fact that I have to pack everything up to go to the bathroom. Note: Don't drink a huge bottle of water (1 pt. or 700 mL) quickly while trying to get some writing done in the library.

 

Well that is a little snapshot of my day. Today was a good day and I am grateful for these little moments of silliness and contentedness.

 

Good Quote, Good Wisdom

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." ~ Maya Angelou

I love this quote - just heard it on Oprah. It was all about women who were betrayed by their husbands. Very interesting show and I agree with the quote 100% although these men were very good at hiding their true selves. Reminds me of a few people and a few mistakes I have made in not trusting my instincts. Of course, being a fair person I try not to let my intuition and initial judgments of people (I give people a few chances at least, always at first believing that I am to harsh a judge)  rule how I feel about them but it comes down to this: how many times do you have to be knocked in the head before you realize you cannot trust someone?

Health Care Passed The House!!

WARNING: This is going to be a rambling RANT because I am sick and tired of the pissin' and moanin' done by Republicans and HATERS against national health care. 

OH MY GOD people! I cannot believe national health care could ignite such a firestorm of divided opinions. I cannot even pretend to know a whole lot about this health care bill and I am not 100% sold on it because I think a lot of concessions were probably made to get the damn thing passed but WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL AMERICANS HAVING HEALTH CARE? Please tell me ...especially when the happiest countries in the world have nationalized health care. What does that tell everybody? If the happiest countries in the world have health care why can't the RICHEST?

Also WHAT THE FUCK IS SO RIGHT ABOUT OUR HEALTH CARE SYSTEM NOW THAT SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN'T EVEN CONCEIVE THAT IT DOES NEED TO BE OVERHAULED?

So you people who are against a national health care because America does not have the money, are you happy that all of our money has been going out the door to support fat cats at the nations banks? Anyone remember the BAILOUTS??? And Obama did not start that mess so fuck off. 

What about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan - we spent a ton of OUR money (not to mention the blood of Americans) on those wars and on helping other countries build their infrastructures (are we back to colonizing?). We have gotten very little for our money spent on wars. Has anyone in AMERICA heard of INTELLIGENCE - that is how we stop terrorism here and against our people not trying to colonize other countries all in the name of democracy which is concept some people DO NOT WANT!! THE WAY AMERICANS SPIT OUT THE WORD SOCIALISM HERE IS THE WAY OTHERS SPIT OUT THE WORD DEMOCRACY IN THEIR COUNTRY; if they do want democracy they need to fuckin' fight for it themselves not have it thrust upon them. We do not even have peace of mind for all that money spent. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION MY ASS!! WTF? We can't spend some kind of money on the American people for a change??... on something we all need - HEALTH CARE!! Anyone that doesn't agree with me can just SUCK IT because you know I am right. We spend tons of money on other countries and do little for the people here other than welfare mothers and old people so either you got to be poppin' out kids or have one foot in the grave to get anything from the United States, from your own tax dollars (Oh yeah, forgot to mention third world countries that give birth to and hide terrorists). IS THAT RIGHT? 

So what some people are saying is they are FINE with their tax dollars going to support people in other countries, AND people here that don't believe in common sense and birth control and also people that Americans most often forget about because they are to old and infirm to work anymore but they WILL NOT STAND FOR THEIR TAX DOLLARS TO SUPPORT REGULAR WORKING AMERICANS THAT PAY TAXES, THAT ARE THE FUCKIN' BACKBONE OF THIS COUNTRY? That is a damn shame.

P.S. 

Socialism is not a bad word.

OBAMA is not what is wrong with this country - GREED and CHAUVINISM is what is wrong with this country! Not to mention RACISM.

The 2 most interesting news stories of the day:

Hurt dog limps into New Mexico ER

German shepherd mix finds his way to a hospital after injury

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35896305/ns/health-pet_health/?gt1=43001

 

Cute and what a smart animal!

 

&

 

$365 a year for food

It's not a social experiment for her but rather a matter of a very tight budget.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SmartSpending/blog/page.aspx?post=1708340&_blg=1,1708340

I would love to be able to this but alas I am at the whim of my cravings and would be totally crazy the within the first few days. I will be checking this blog thought to see how it turns out for her and maybe get some ideas. Of course I have to consider my husband and stepson - they would not like this lady's menu.

So close...

I am so excited! A little bit of something to kick me in the arse and give me some get up and go. I went to talk to an advisor today and I am sooo close (a little closer than I thought - 8 MORE CLASSES CLOSE!!! I can't freakin' believe it!) to graduating with my Bachelor of Science in Psychology. I am actually even closer to getting a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology but because I want to go to graduate school, getting the Bachelor of Science is better. The BS offers an internship. If I had planned it better I could have graduated this May but I was fooling around working on a double major - silly me. I took way too many English classes (and I found out I do not need Foreign Language credits for a BS either). Yikes! I am a ways away from graduating with the 2 degrees I wanted (BS in Psych and a BA in English, it would probably add another semester or maybe even another year) so I decided I am just going to concentrate on the Psych and get that done. I can always finish my second degree later and I also want to investigate how to get a teaching degree because one of my goals is to work on a college campus either counseling or both counseling and teaching. 

The English classes were fun an interesting though and I am not sorry I took them (and I am sure my Spanish will come in handy too). I am kicking myself a little because I found out that when I graduate I can walk with the U 0f M - Ann Arbor class, and this May the commencement speaker is Barack Obama. I would have loved to hear him speak in person. Darn it! 

Well now I have to start looking at Graduate schools. I saw a couple of programs in Michigan that I was interested in. I think my top pick is at Wayne State - they have a combination Clinical and School Psychology Program. I have heard that it is really competitive to get in a Psychology Program so I am going to really have to study hard for the GRE. I need to get an outstanding score! I even have a back up plan if I do not get into Grad school right away and of course I hope I will be able to find a good job. So I have my work cut out for me for the next couple of years to say the least. 

So close ... yet so far. 

Fakiness

Doesn't seem sometimes that the majority of people in our society today are fake and are leading lives that are fake - more or less based on what they have seen on TV or built on an image they want to project rather that being a REAL person? They are unable to or are scared and/or lazy to do the work, take the time to become a real, genuine person. It seems like it to me and I cannot stand all the 'fakiness'.

It is Spring Break

It is spring break and I am in a reminiscing mood. I guess
it is not Spring Break exactly, maybe mid-semester break would be the more
proper term but anyway I have a week off. I can't really relax because I have a
few papers to write but it will be nice to sit a home. I have been in that kind
of mood for the past few months - just want to sit at home or hibernate. Yes I
an in hibernation mode, as I call it. I always get super tired in January and
February. This year it has been really bad. I can't stay up past 11pm and I need a damn nap everyday too! I hope
that after break I will start feeling more energized. 

I can't believe we are already 2 months into the new year
and my school semester is half over. I didn't really get to reflect and write a
blog on 2009 like I wanted to. And 2010 seems pretty HO HUM so far for me,
although besides being exhausted I am feeling a bit better in other areas. I am
hoping it will get a little more exciting. 2009 was a good year in some
respects but a bad year in others.

My husband and I took some good trips in 2009 - those were
the highlight of my year. Of course all the trips were in Michigan
but I love Michigan and the more
places I go to within my home state the more I find to explore. 

In May we went
to Grand Rapids, which was awesome
because believe it or not Grand Rapids
is a happening town! It is probably the place with the most growth in Michigan
right now. I hit up a few museums (the Gerald Ford Presidential Museum is
great!) and relaxed after a very trying winter semester. The best part of that
was that it was paid for by somebody else besides us, haha. My husband had to
go there for a Homeland Security Conference. On our way out of Grand
Rapids we decided to take a detour by Holland,
Michigan since the tulip festival was going
on. We saw the longest parade ever – the kinderparade. Holland
is a lovely place and it is close to my favorite lake – Lake
Michigan. Of course we stopped by the beach. I love it over there,
I just can’t say enough about it! 

Then we took our anniversary trip to Mackinac
Island. I was almost afraid we would be sick of Mackinac because
it is not a very big island and we have been there a lot within the last few
years but I was soooo wrong. We caught all the lilacs in bloom and it was
heavenly. We went on an island ghost tour - it was magical walking the island
at night. We also saw a band (Michal Bailey Band, blues) that we love there.
Then we hiked all over the island and discovered a few places we had not been
too yet like Pontiac Trail, a scenic path along the west bluff and Manitou Trail,
a quite arduous trail (the oldest on the island I have heard) off of the East
Bluff that goes to Robinson’s Folly and on to Arch Rock. I took some amazing
pictures and my love and appreciation for the island deepened. 

In July we had our annual family camping trip with my husband’s family. We went
and camped just over Mackinac Bridge
at Straits State Park
in St. Ignace, Michigan.
Our campsite was on the Straits with a terrific view of the Mackinac
Bridge. We had an amazing time - I
love the U.P. The weather was not the greatest but we did go to the beach a
couple of times. Of course we went to Mackinac Island
for a day and I got most of the family to hike the treacherous Manitou Trail to
Arch Rock. Then we (my husband, stepson, Wally the dog, and I) drove out (my
stepson actually drove the majority of the time – he has his learner’s permit) of
the bad weather to places all around the eastern part of the Upper Peninsula
that I really wanted to show my husband and stepson. We went to a ghost town in
Fayette, Michigan.
That is the on the Garden Peninsula
that juts out into Lake Michigan. Words fail me in
describing the beauty of that region. I had been there as a girl and it made an
impact on me - I always wanted to go back and I am so glad I made it and got to
show my husband and stepson. We drove up to Munising Michigan
on Lake Superior and saw Miners
Falls and Wagner
Falls – beautiful of course and I
took some lovely pictures. Our dog Wally really loved the waterfalls, so
thankful we got to take him. Then we took a scenic boat tour of Pictured Rocks. Again
words fail me but it was awesome, amazing, beautiful…. Lake Superior
water around that area is a clear emerald green and too beautiful for words. I
really want to go back to that region and do some hiking. Another day we took
in Tahquamenon Falls,
largest falls in Michigan and in
the top five of the biggest falls east of the Mississippi.
We drove on up through Paradise to Whitefish Point on Lake
Superior and went the Shipwreck
Museum. That was cool. And we got
to see the fog role on in from the Lake. That day I put
my foot in three of the great lakes, haha – Lake Superior,
Lake Michigan and Lake Huron. On
our last day we went on up to Sault Ste. Marie and took the Soo Locks Boat
tour. I had been on it when I was a girl but it seemed more interesting this
time around. It was something my husband and stepson really wanted to do so I
am glad we got to do it and I believe they enjoyed it. Really the whole trip
was awesome and writing about it makes me want to go back. Also I it makes
realize I need to come up with some new adjectives because I cannot express
enough how awesome, amazing, lovely and beautiful the Upper Peninsula
is with my limited vocabulary! LOL, it grows tiresome, cliché and boring but
the UP is wonderful!

Our last trip of the year was to my parent's place in Manistee County, Michigan (west side, Lower Peninsula) - another beautiful spot, one of my all time favorites. My husband and I went there for Labor Day week-end and we got to take Wally too! We relaxed and went to the beach (Onekama, on Lake Michigan - I highly recommend) a couple of times and also did up the town of Manistee with Wally in tow. I took more great pics. We took Wally walking all around and swimming too so he enjoyed himself and got tons of attention from people we met along the way. Everyone made much of him and would tell him and us how pretty and well-behaved he was. He got lots of pets. Again I find myself so grateful for that opportunity of time spent with our poor doggie - the memories and also for all the pics I took.These are the moments I live for, truly.

The bad part of the year was I was sick (respiratory
problems) and stressed because of it a lot of the time, and so damn tired of
course. I started of the year with 3 pets (my two birdies and our poor dog,
Wally) and ended the year with none. Also a couple of me and my husband's family
members have major health issues so it was poopy to see them going through pain
and all the other stuff (a lot of changes and learning to deal with chronic illness)
that go along with being sick. To add to our (hubby and I) stress our well (sometimes I wish we had city water, or lived in a city or suburb) quit
working … twice! That cost a pretty penny to get fixed (had to replace the pump
and tank, the second time it was due to a defect in the new tank so luckily we
didn’t have to pay for that). Then to top it all off our furnace quit working
too! That wasn’t as bad of a fix as the well but we may need to get a new
furnace in the near future and we are so not looking forward to that expense. It
really was beginning to feel like we were stuck in a bad country song (are
there any good ones?? LOL)… “the well runned dry, my furnace broke and my dog
up and died…” But my husband and I made it through the year all-right. 

School last semester (fall) was pretty stressful. I thought I planned my classes so they would be lighter and easier to handle while I took a hard statistics class I had to take, but it did not quite work out as well as I planned. Even though I only work part time I have trouble fitting everything in. First I joined the Wind Symphony last fall because I thought it would be fun and easy - found out that I pretty much suck at playing the trombone, LOL. It is not like riding a bike. My memory has been getting bad lately so to remember all the notes and what stuff is supposed to sound like is challenging. I did get a little better but it was a struggle. I also took a creative writing class. I like to write but I found out that what I truly like about writing is the finished product and not necessarily the process. Plus I go through phases where I do not feel like writing at all and this summer and fall I was in one of those phases. Very difficult! The aforementioned stats class was a bear! I will not bore anybody with the details but it did have me wanting to pull my hair out at times. The other class I took was Spanish and that was fun and easy. When all is said and done I made it through the semester and made the Dean's List. Wahoo!

The Christmas holidays were nice. We had my family (my Dad's
side - my aunts and uncles, my cousins and my two great-aunts) over for a big
party. It turned out great! Our house looked beautiful and I can't believe it
can hold over or about 40 people. Everybody had a good time. My husband and I received a
lot of compliments and it was good to have everybody over, especially my two
great aunts whom I hardly ever see. That was also a highlight of my year.

 

More Weight Loss Inspiration

I love this story about this student who lost 80 pounds in a year. She did it by just exercising little by little when she could. It is inspirational! I really need to start doing that. I also have a friend who lost 27 pounds in 2 months. I am so proud of her because I know it was not easy. Now I just need a kick in the butt to get me moving! 

http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2010/02/biggest_campus_loser_20-year-o.html

Need to start blogging again...

Interesting Article

New rules for a shrinking middle class

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/new-rules-for-a-shrinking-middle-class.aspx?page=1

I like reading how people have adapted and changed to these troubling economic times. It gives me hope and ideas.

Lost a friend...

Wally Kaboom, Rest in Peace 12-15-09 He was a great dog, gentle and loving. He will be missed tremendously.

We had to put our dog Wally to sleep. He was 12 or 13 years old and his health was failing. His hips had been really bothering him and then he started having seizures. We had taken the day previously (he started having seizures that morning) and the vet drew blood and sent him home with us and some meds to await the results of the blood tests. He had 3 seizures the next morning so we rushed him to the vet.

The vet told us Wally's sugar was really high and he was diagnosed as a diabetic. We left Wally at the vet for treatment to bring down his sugar and figure out the right dosage of insulin for him. We thought he could be treated but later found out the medication for him would be $200 a month. At first the vet said it would be less money and he could do well with treatment but you never know and the seizures may be a symptom of the diabeties or it may be something else. We also found out Wally had a heart murmur. ARGH! My poor husband and I struggled, wrestled, all day trying to decide if we should go ahead and try to treat Wally or given his age and health if we should just put him to sleep. It was anguishing to make that decision (the worst I have ever had to make) but we finally decided to have him put to sleep. We went to the vets in the afternoon and the vet told us we were making the right decision, that he thought Wally was doing pretty poorly.

The vet brought Wally into the room with us. Wally was lethargic but started barking because he wanted to go home. It was heart wrenching! He didn't sound like himself and he could not get up on his back legs. We were waiting for my stepson to get to the vets office from his mom's house. My stepson wanted to say good-bye too. So we waited with Wally. I couldn't say good-bye. I wanted Wally to think everything was going to be OK but I think he knew. I think he knew for a while. It is so sad... We were there with him when they gave him the injection. It was quick and his spirit left quicky. I can't believe how fast he was gone. I hope he is in peace now and I hope he knows how much we love and miss him.

Commencements

Today I played for UM-Flint commencements. I joined the wind symphony and this is one of the things we have to do. It was kind of stressful - it is finals week, yuck! I kind of enjoyed it though - just thinking that I will be one of the graduates in a few months. Silly me - I was getting emotional. I always have to pinch myself because I can't believe I am actually going to school at UM-Flint and that I am on my way to getting my Bachelors. Then I was thinking about the ups and downs of going to school and how much I want to accomplish still. I really need to step up my game. 

I liked what the key note speakers had to say. The first speaker, graduated from UM-Flint in 1973 and has continued to be a part of the University and the Flint community even though he does not live in the area. He talked about optimism and giving back to the community. The second speaker, a graduating student also talked about the same ideals. I have much to learn from these people. I just wonder where they get the energy. 

My Birthday

Today is my birthday. I am old! No, really. Mentally I don't feel old but my body is starting to feel the age. ARGH! It sucks. Well as usual I have been feeling like crap. Tried all the time, and ache-y too - more so than usual. This does have an effect on how much mental energy I can spend on extra stuff so I have not been writing like I want to. I miss keeping a blog. I will get back to it one of these days. 

 

Basically it is the same ole same ole. School, school, school, a little bit of work and always fighting sickness and fatigue. Now the holidays are coming so there is that stress on top of everything else. I wish I could convince my family to just take off for the holidays - forget the gifts (except for the little ones) and just go someplace nice and warm for the season. A cruise would be nice.  Well that is where I am at right now.

Poetry

"Painting is silent poetry, and poetry is painting that speaks."

- 

Plutarch

I like that quote, how apropos that it would be on my space today. I would replace painting with photography though.

~

We are writing poetry in creative writing class so here is my first attempt in a long time at writing a poem. I kind of like them...

the fridge

I open the door to the fridge

It is one of two

Because we need more room

To store all our food

 

I open the door to the fridge

So packed that five things fall out

Half empty cartons of spoiling food

I stuff them back in

 

I open the door to the fridge

And a smell like a fart wafts out

I close the door quickly

Trying to ignore the stench

..........

Clean Out, November 19th 2009

Half eaten can of old spam,

almost empty cartons of sour cream

too numerous to count,

stacked up haphazardly – they always fall out.

Throw them all out.

Expired

 

Spotted lunchmeat – definitely bad,

styrofoam container of leftovers from

some restaurant visited on Mother’s Day.

Even more in another fridge to get rid of;

doggie bags meant for later.

Forgotten

 

Biscuits dated 14^th of April 2009.

Squishy zucchini squashed and

no good now.

Brown guacamole, green fuzzy cheese,

liquefied lettuce and more…

Wasted

 

Don’t forget the eggs,

of a carton 3 are left.

Don’t think of dozens of others

in bags long ago thrown away,

like now - too heavy to lift.

Trashed

------------------------------------

Poetry is not always pretty and it does not have to rhyme. 

Perhaps this bears repeating...

I am reposting this blog from last March because a certain someone needs to know - 'I told you so'

 

You know I really hate to be a bitch but it really angers me that things could be prevented instead of just reacted to. It confuses a kid. Also, I don't particular like it when people try get credit for doing something that should have been done a long time ago or they should be doing all along. Not to mention all the BS. Would you like a gold star? Sorry but this one is mine  Call me crazy, a bitch, drama queen or whatever but I do know a few things.

 

March 19

Report Card Time: Too Many Activities=Bad Grades?

I don't know - you tell me. What are you thinking?

Also, why do some parents think that teenagers are grown and can be left to their own devices? Sometimes I think that some parents want to think their teen is grown up so they don't have to deal with issues or can spend more time on what they, the parent, want to do (or just be involved in the fun stuff their child is doing - COP OUT). That is lax parenting.

My thoughts are that teens are not grown up yet and still need guidance (this may be the time they need the most parenting), and yes sometimes they have to be told they cannot do stuff. Especially when they are getting bad grades (bad grades in my book is anything below a C-). There is no excuse! Especially when their grades have been less than stellar for years and nothing (or very little has been done about it). Academics need to be made (need to be seen as important by the teen, by both words and example) a priority. This means schoolwork, in class work, comes before all other extracurricular activities (whether they are school sanctioned or other activities). Talking to a teen about grades is all very well and good, letting them know your displeasure, and you can talk to you're blue in the face and they will say they understand and will do better yet the bottom line is you need to follow up all the talk with some action - either the kid has to do better in school, like he has been saying he had been or wants to do or some of his activities have to go until he does better in school. A teen needs to know parents mean business and the only way to get through to them sometimes is to take something away that they dearly want to do or make them work to get in the first place.

Of course it is better to make them work to get something they want before they actually get the privilege rather than take something away but sometimes, as in the case of lax parenting, parents have already given their teen what they wanted - independence, the ability to participate in any or all activities they want to. Then when the teen gets bad grades they (both parent and teen) want to make excuses and not do what needs to be done to correct the issue. What do you think is going to happen in the future? The teen is just going to miraculously improve his grades without guidance from anybody? Well wouldn't that be wonderful but unlikely to happen. No, most likely, if nothing is done about the bad grades, the teen will continue to flunk classes and get further and further behind, especially if he is allowed to participate in numerous extracurricular activities. That is why the teen should be getting decent grades before he is allowed to participate in extracurricular activities - make him earn it so he knows what it takes to keep it.

Does this make sense? Or is it better just to let your teen do what he wants and hope and pray for the best? Hope that he has the wisdom to make hard choices, to show some restraint, put academics first, and have the time management skills of an adult. Well you know my thoughts on the matter.

I learned this the hard way. Truth to tell, I still struggle with managing my time and activities. I was given all the independence I wanted as a teen. I was able to participate in any extracurricular activities.  I wanted to, which really wasn't that much. I did drama and choir outside of school hours. I was also in band but I was not in Marching or Jazz bands, so there was very little outside of school work. I had a job. I got bad grades, got behind and eventually quit high school. Truthfully, it wasn't just participating in extracurricular activities that led to me get bad grades, but that was part of it. I only participated in 3 extra activities - not 4 to 5 or more. It would have helped if someone would have stepped in and did something to make me see I had to make academics (no matter how boring or tedious, no matter how stupid and irrelevant I thought some subjects were) a priority. That I had to put some importance on things that had to be done to get by (this I hate - who doesn't hate jumping through hoops just to get a diploma? Or doing things they could care less about? But it is a part of life) rather that just placing importance on the things I really wanted to do. So if my parents had made me earn the right to participate in the activities or taken them away when I started failing high school, I might have learned to prioritize, and that there were things I had to do first before I got to do the things I really wanted. I have seen this work with other kids. A firm and guiding hand from the parents usually results in better academic performance and a kid who knows how to manage his time and activities. If that has been lacking then the kid will not learn and will be like me - he will end up learning the hard way or may never learn it. Is that what parents want?

 

 

March 21

Maybe someone can tell me ......

What is going through a mother's head when she buys her teenage son a cell phone with unlimited texting after the kid flunked a class last trimester (and the trimester before that) and has had less that stellar (way less than) grades - basically rewarding bad grades? On top of the that, the kid professes to have ADD although he has never been diagnosed (well not that is known of - that info may have been kept from us; some people just are not good at communicating unless they have their hand out), what in the heck is having unlimited texting going to do to the kids attention span? This kid (who is a good kid just does not have his priorities straight and has some issues he needs to work on) does have trouble following directions, paying attention, completing tasks and completing them well, is forgetful, and has problems with organization. Yeah, what parent in their right mind would think giving a kid a new phone with unlimited texting is a good idea? What does that reinforce? Won't it make the kid's attention problems worse?
 
I wonder what excuses there will be when the poor kid has to repeat a bunch of classes and cannot take the classes (such as band) he wants. How about the ultimate bad situation - he gets so behind in school and ends up quitting or cannot graduate with his class? I wonder who will be to blame? 
 
Please, anyone with kids (especially teens) share your feelings on this situation or even teens or young adults.

 

Another year of school begins...

I am excited to start school again but I don't think I am ready for all the hard work. I took a light load this semester. Well, so I thought. We'll see how light it actually is. I have Spanish 3 days a week, a creative writing class, symphony band, and an online psychology class - statistics and probability.

 

I had to take a foreign language for a requirement and I love languages anyway. It was either Chinese or Spanish given the way the U.S. is headed these days. I chose Spanish - I believe it to be easier than Chinese to learn. Class seems like it will be easy - no papers to write and I know some Spanish. I also have 2 years of French so I am sure some of the words/grammar are similar.

 

Of course the creative writing class will be a challenge - all writing. The biggest challenge to me in that is coming up with ideas and actually being able to sit myself down and write out what I want…Always too many draws on my time and concentration, not to mention my ever present fatigue. The prof seems nice but a little strict - he actually said that if you are too ill to attend class and do the writing, then you are too ill to be in school. I can see that but I also think "WTF? Is a person supposed to just wither away and die then?" I mean what if a person never feels good? They are not supposed to pursue a life? Maybe I am taking it too far but that is what I feel sometimes - yeah I don't feel good much of the time and my ass is dragging but I am dragging it - I want to get somewhere no matter how bad I feel and it helps if understanding people help me out along the way.

 

Stats and probability - yuck! I have to take it, it is a requirement for my major so I figured I would get it out of the way. It seems like it will be challenging. I would have rather taken a face to face class and not an online class but they did not offer one on my campus this semester so I am going to give it a try. Wish me luck.

 

I was most excited about joining the school band this semester. I signed up for symphony band because I miss performing. I used to play trombone in high school, oh 20 years ago. I have a trombone and I can still play so I thought band would be fun. I started class today - not so excited anymore. I was somewhat nervous and I had not practiced as much as I wanted to before I started. I am not strong at music reading, I used to have to hear a piece first and then practice it. Well I go to class apprehensive. I totally sucked. First we did some exercise I had never done before, the teacher was talking nonsense.  Then we start working on music, Yeah, I still sucked. I am thinking what have I gotten myself into? Yikes. Well I talked to the band director and he doesn't seem too concerned so I am still going to give band a try. I just need to practice, practice, practice. Work, work, work

 

Today I also attended University Chorale. I am seriously thinking about joining. I am not sure though - I don't want to load up on too much. I just miss performing and between band and chior I might be able to majorly improve my music reading skills.

 

So another year begins. I feel like I am too much out of my comfort zone, unsure if I can meet the challenges. This can be good or it can all come crashing down on me.

Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand...

Nice quote. It reminds me of a few people I have known. I wil have to remember that one.

What I did on my summer vacation....

Let me trot out the old stand by, cliche school essay to cement my memories of my wonderful summer.

 

"What I Did On My Summer Vacation"

And while we're on the subject....

While we are on the subject of not feeling good and having no energy...

 

I really hate having to explain my lack of energy to people. Or at least I feel that I have to explain why I am always tired and do not have enough energy to do all that people want me to. I have Chronic Fatigue. People think it is a made up illness because no one really knows what causes it exactly or how to treat it. It is also hard for people to grasp the concept that a person with Chronic Fatigue is really ill because there are not any prominent physical signs/symptoms to the disease that people can empathize with, such as a limp, or puking or a rash, etc. Mostly I am just very exhausted, so much so that I cannot think and I get crabby. I really just can barely function - it like I get in a funk. I could sleep for 10 - 12 hours a day and not feel any better. I have to conserve my energy to get the things done that I need to. I really have to prioritize. It really sucks when 4 hours of work knock can knock me on my ass. Or not getting the proper amount of sleep for one night drains me for the next 2-3 days. Yeah, people don't really understand. They think that I can just will my way out of feeling tired or drink some coffee (or take an energy pill) and I will be alright. No, doesn't work like that, caffiene doesn't do anything for me. There is only so much a person can accomplish on sheer will power before they hit a wall. It is a constant struggle. It is hard to explain too. Hard to feel valued in today's society that runs, runs, runs. Hard to find understanding.

 

So to all my friend and family who see me struggling, who help me, who stand by me, who understand why I may not be able to do everything you want me to do (it really does impact the social life) - THANKS  

 

Back to the same ole, same ole

Struggling! OK, I haven't been writing in my blog too much lately. Not enough energy. ARGH! This is frustrating to me because there is so much I want write about, not just my personal life and struggles but also I am yearning to write about issues that matter to me. It seems the more I write, the more things become clear in my mind and I begin to generate ideas. I love ideas! And I want to create - I love creating.  I just need to find the freakin' energy to write everyday. This summer has been a mixed bag of some great vacations and a lot of activity between feeling sick and run down. I have had very little time for writing and creativity, although I have done a little reading which has started the wheels turning in my head. I need to find more energy. I have a pretty good idea what has been bringing me down - allergies have been super bad this year, and my chronic fatigue has been very bad... so I get sluggish and depressed. It seems I have developed asthma or some kind of lung problem. My Doctor is no help at all, not even for my allergies. Doctors have really not been any help to me at all for a while now. I have been severely let down it this department. Health care really sucks these days! This makes me just want to give up.

 

My efforts to find more energy:

 

I have been trying to exercise. I bought a wii and the wii fit board. I love it - it actually makes exercising fun so I hope that will help my energy level. I need to start eating better and taking vitamins. My thinking is I need to buckle down and lose some weight and work on getting healthier. I feel the less I weigh, the better I eat, the more I will be able to build up my immune system. My breathing problems could be tied into my weight problem.

 

I have been going to an alternative health practioner (well just 2 visits so far) of holistic medicine. Actually my Mom has been taking me. I have not really seen any benefits yet; I am hoping to eventually see some the more I go, the more I take the medicines she gives me, as well as my efforts to eat better, take vitamins and exercise. I just need to keep at it. Kick into high gear.

 

I also need to start writing again to try and keep me from getting frustrated, angry and depressed. The only thing is I need to find energy - need to keep my energy level up. All this comes back to energy and it roles in around in a vicious cycle. No energy to do everything I need to do let alone exercise and eat better, no energy to write, so then I get depressed and sick and have even less energy, then I get discouraged and want to eat to perk myself up, and lay around to try and get some kind of rest.... round and round. I need to stay positive and rely heavily on will power to get stuff done. Exhausting!! But I will break out of this cycle.

 

Next week starts school again. I am excited to go back but I am also apprehensive. There is so much I want to accomplish - do I have the energy? Am I ready to face the challenges? Can I juggle school, work, trying to shape out, family and all the activities I want to do? I feel very weak. I have been feeling especially weak for the past year and a half. It really sucks. I was hoping to feel better before I went back to school this year but I truly don't . Scary. So I am back to the same ole, same ole - feeling like crap, struggling to get prepared for school, and hoping for the best.