What to do? and a band story...

What to do?

What to do when you have a stepson who's mother does not always give the best advice? My stepson (he plays the trombone) has a band competition tomorrow. Last week, his band teacher asked all the parents to make sure the kids were bringing their instruments home and practicing outside of school. Well my stepson brought his instrument home from school yesterday but did not have his music. I asked him about it and he said that he was not going to practice - his mother told him that there was such a thing as practicing too much, and that if he practiced too much, he may freeze up at the performance. I was flabbergasted! I have never heard that logic before. At least not in matters of playing an instrument. Let me tell you, I was in band and also play the trombone, and I have never practiced so much that I froze up at a performance. Quite the contrary in fact. The more you practice the more comfortable you are. I think in some things you can be too rehearsed, like for a speech, and your delivery may come off as too monotone but I don't think any teacher or many music performers are going to tell you not to practice.

I asked my stepson if he asked his band teacher about it. He said no, so I asked him what did he think his teacher would say about that - he kind of waffled on that. I think he knew what his teacher would say, he just did not want to practice.

I just think his mother is crazy. This is the same woman who a week ago was telling us to curtail our parenting time to make sure our son was able to participate in all his activities. She is afraid that we will keep him from band activities (track also, and social life) and therefore he will not have the opportunity to get a scholarship. She made a big deal about him having this opportunity for this scholarship. Yeah - most people who get music scholarships practice their instruments. They practice their instrument guite a lot, until they are sick to death of it and beyond (and if you play trombone - until your lips are red, puffy and numb). So if his mother wonders why my hubby and I don't take her seriously; why we think she is a double talking liar, it is because instances like these.

 

This one time at band camp....

OK, it didn't happen at band camp, but I was in band (I played the trombone) and I had tryouts. I had only been playing the instrument for about a year. It was tryout time to see which band (concert was intermediate and symphony was the top band) you would be in and what chair (which part) you would get. We were given a peice of music to practice and then we would have to tryout in front of the class. I practiced my butt off. It was a good thing too becuase I was terrified of playing in front of people by myself. I didn't have a problem with playing with a group or with the band but to have to play alone was very scary for me. So I get up in front of the class to do my tryout. I was sweating and shaking. My arch enemy, Beth sniggered at me from the saxophone section. I started playing. First we had to do scales, then a few other things and then perform our practice peice. By the time I got to that portion of the tryout I was starting to lose my vision. I started the peice and I lost my vision - I could not see! I was lucky I practiced my butt off because even though I could not see, I still was able to perform because I knew the peice (through all the practicing it became automatic) at that point. I also was starting to lose my hearing by the end of the tryout. It was crazy. Even though I lost my sight for the tryout and was super nervous I actually did very well, because I practiced. I got first chair! I made it in the symphony band! My band director was amazed at my playing. I will always remember that.

 

Talking about Baby falls from train, lives - Wonderful World- msnbc.com

 

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Baby falls from train, lives - Wonderful World- msnbc.com
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OMG! This is just crazy. Poor baby. What a miracle that she survived the fall out of the train! I hope the baby lives.

School, what else?

Today has been a good day so far. I received yet another compliment on my work in the class I do not like so much (Reading Pop Culture). It is so nice to have one's efforts recognized. I love professors who do not hesitate to let a student know. That is really classy (since we have been talking about class in that class -hehe). I am going to post the compliment here so I can look at when times are rough - like next week is going to be.  

 

Jacquelyn,

Once again, your posts have been exceptionally strong. Your main post is, in a word,
awesome - it's exactly the way to show that (a) you've read, and (b) more
importantly, you've been THINKING while reading. 

Terrific work.

Best,
Dr J

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Next week I have a paper and a presentation due for this English class. It is going to be a lot of work. I hope I do well. I also have 2 tests, one in Psych and another in Algebra. On top of all that I have to have a monologue prepared and ready to perform on Monday for my acting class. YIKES!!

 

A great thing I did today was I applied for admittance to U of M Flint. I am so excited! I really want to go to U of M Flint. I will know if I got admitted in June. I can't believe I will be graduating in about 2 months! I have to start thinking about my next steps. Should I stay at Mott a little while longer and pursue a 2nd associates degree that I want (and take some more math - I would need more math for my bachelors degree and I might as well take it at MCC; it is cheaper) or am I ready to move on to the University? I am going to miss MCC. I could also attend Rochester College here at MCC too. I need to talk to some guidance counselors and interview some psychologists to firm up my education plan and goals. So much to do, so much to think about.

Another compliment!

I got another compliment from my professor in that class I dislike. Maybe I will end up liking the class after all  hahaha. This week we are discussing class in America. I am going to post what I wrote because I am proud of it.

Class In America (with comparisons to the British)

 

Why are we so hesitant to talk about class? I was thinking about this and I am still not sure this is true. I do not have any studies to back up that America is talking about class so I am willing to concede it might be true that most Americans do not talk about class issues. I feel this is because for one thing America was supposedly trying to get away from the class distinctions of our British oppressors – you know way back in 1776. This country was created on the principle that all men (ok, all white men) are created equal, so having class distinctions kind of negates that. What we learned though is that people classify and stereotype everybody and we cannot get away from that. Another reason why people may not talk about class is they may be in a class of people they really do not want to identify with. It may hurt them to realize the truth. Yet another reason, and I believe this to be prevalent, is that people (like me) may not know exactly how to classify themselves and are hesitant to classify themselves and most other people. I think a lot of middle class people may feel this. Also, there are two ways of classifying people – by wealth and by mindset. It begins to get sticky when you have a wealthy person who leads a trashy lifestyle (like Paris – can she even be classified as upper class anymore even with all her millions; not in my book. She is as trashy as they come) or a poor person has an upper class mindset, is educated (think homeless guy with a Phd). There are subcultures within the main classes (working class, lower middle, upper middle, professional, etc) and it is hard to put a label (if that is what you really want to do – I am not a big proponent of this) on everybody. Some people may be able to fit into a couple of different class structures. Some people are on the way up, while some are on the way down. Overall I think it baffles people and it is something that is not at the forefront of our minds unless we are upper class or intellectuals. In my opinion, they are the ones that have time to think about this – the rest of us are just trying to get by.

 

The exception may be the people who are proud to be redneck or hillbilly, like Jerri, Sam and Jessi Rae (249) from the "White Trash" article. They don't think about it too much though, they just are what they are and are proud of it. Ignorance is bliss, huh?

 

Why do we aspire to be "rich and famous"? In this country, I think the majority of us are raised to be a success. Being rich equals success in many people's eyes. Also, having money equals freedom. If you are well off you can do what you want, when you want. You do not have to kow tow to anyone. We value our freedom in this country but at the same time we are slaves to money. In America, it seems that everybody wants to have a type A personality and they think there is something wrong with you if you do not, you slacker. It is part of our patriotism, that drive, that can do attitude. We are schooled this from birth. It may have started as a "We'll show them" attitude after the war for independence, again way back when our country was forming. I think I have read something about Americans having Puritan beliefs; hard work and no play. As for fame, being famous equals having money, riches, which in turn equals freedom or at least hot chicks, hot cars, and all the bling you could ever desire.

 

Why don't we despise and mock the rich? This too I disagree with. There are times and people who despise and mock the rich. Here again I am just telling you my opinion. I cannot produce any hardcore evidence of this. I guess we may not do it to the extent the British do, but I have a prejudice against rich people. I have seen some American comedy/comedians that do this and even some sitcoms. What about shows like "The Fresh Prince of Belaire" where Wil Smith is the poor kid that comes to live with rich relatives. There was some mocking going on there and at times the richie people would learn from the "poor street kid". Or I am thinking about "The Nanny" with Fran Drescher, also mocking of rich going on there and the nanny gets over on the rich guy. I am also thinking about "Frasier", here are two upper class brothers with a working class father. There was a lot of mocking going on there. Ah, Dave Chapelle mocked just about everybody. Even in today's culture, to like the things that are seen to be upper class - such as the symphony, the ballet, opera, art museums, is portrayed as not very soulful; wooden maybe; white bread; boring; la di da!; etc… Stuff like that is certainly mocked. If there is not much mocking going on in other areas it is because we all aspire to be rich or at least comfortable, so we would be mocking are own desires; we would have to despise ourselves. Also, in America, we are raised to be successful, and that means rich. "I'm rich bitch!"

 

What ideologies drive American concepts of class? How does it differ from the Brits? This is a hard question for me. Capitalism is a big one that drives American concepts of class. The 'haves' and 'have nots' and the 'in betweens'. Supposedly anyone can make it in this country. If you are one of the 'have nots' then you just didn't work hard enough or weren't smart enough to achieve the American dream so therefore you do not deserve it. This differs from the British by the fact that their 'haves' wealth is inherited and their 'have nots' even if they become the 'haves' can never be seen as anything other than upstarts or new money. They would never be classified as upper class no matter how much money they have. In America, most people, once they hit a certain income bracket and aren't too trashy can achieve upper class status. I am not sure this is the case in Britain.

 

How does pop culture help confront or cover up class divisions? It helps confront class divisions by mixing it up. Do you know what I mean? Musical styles combining, things coming out into the mainstream that in the past were just culture or class specific. It may help cover up class divisions by giving us the false impression that the divisions are non existent.

 

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Terrific post, Jaquelyn - your theories are backed up by plenty of compelling evidence, and you've stood up to the questions with confidence and clarity.  Well done. L. Juchartz

I am so happy!

  It was a good week, overall. Last Sunday I was having room service breakfast at the Palmer House in Chicago - that was wonderful. I actually took a picture of our cart! We went to the Art Museum, which is one of my favorite places. Later in the evening we went to IO improv and saw comedians/actors put their talents to the test. Then we went up to the 96th floor of John Hancock Center and had dinner and drinks. We could see all of Chicago. I tried to take pictures but they turned out blurry.

Wednesday I had lunch at Applewood Cafe, Mott Community College. http://www.mcc.edu/3_academics/divisions/bus_applewood.shtml I love that restaurant. It is run by the culinary arts department there. They basically serve gourmet meals for cheap because it is a teaching restaurant. It is overseen by a chef. The food is always good and very pretty (I have pics) haha. This Wednesday, for Black History Month, Kuungana performed. Kuungana is an African dance and drum troupe. It was wonderful to hear the drums (reminds me of Santana) and the dancers were awesome. I want to learn to dance like that. It would be good exercise. http://www.rhythmologist.com/

Thursday, Chuck and I had dinner with our son. We had a lot of fun. Our son also had a concert for band (he plays the trombone) that evening. It was nice. They have a competition coming up so this was like a dress rehearsal for all the kids.

Now the reason I am so happy this weekend. Saturday my professor (for the Engl class that I dislike) emailed me and told me what a good job I did on last weeks assigment. I emailed him back and thanked him for letting me know. I needed that! I am not getting bad grades on my assinments but this class is very difficult. It is a ton of writing. I think keeping a blog is helping me with my writing. Ideas flow more readily from my brain.

 

CRAZY IDEA

This is going to be long but I have to write it out. Writing is like therapy. It is about Chuck's ex and her idea for their son. That ho really does make me angry - the nerve of her! I guess I shouldn't ever expect to be anything but angry with her though - the way she treats Chuck! I wish she was a nice person or at least more likeable. I have always wished I could like her for my stepson's sake but unfortunately I cannot. If you really knew her and have been through what Chuck and I have you would feel the same.

 

My husbands ex-wife wanted to meet with him or us (not sure which but I went) regarding their son's (he is 14) schedule. He tried to get her to tell him what she wanted via email so we would not have to meet with her, but she insisted on a meeting. I already knew this wasn't going to be good, although I always hope for the best. I wasn't really sure I wanted to be there (his ex is just icky – she has issues that my sensitive soul picks up on, but more about that later) but since I drive Chuck (and we had just gotten out of work and school) and I also drive our son, I thought I might as well be there, at the very least, to support Chuck.

Chuck's ex has physical custody. Chuck has parenting time every other week-end, one evening a week, two weeks in the summer and the alternate holidays and child's birthday. He had to fight to get that extra weeknight evening and extra week in the summer. A lot of non-custodial parents have much more time than what he has. He is a good father too. It is not like he is a deadbeat or anything, like I know she tries to make him out to be. One time she tried to tell me he was abusive towards her; I laughed in her face. If anyone is abusive it is her, at least mentally/verbally abusive. But that will have to be a blog for another day. Chuck could never hurt anyone. Hell, I can't even argue with him (on the rare occasions I am being a bitch, haha - or we have a disagreement)  because he just doesn't argue. I think that is why she ultimately had affairs and left Chuck – he didn't provide enough drama for her. I think she wants someone to argue with. But again, I digress.

Overall I think she has issues with control and jealousy. She wants to control our relationship with our son, or wanted Chuck to just disappear from his son's life. She certainly never wanted another mother figure in her son's life. She is jealous of Chuck and my relationship with our son.

OK, so this is what she wants. You all tell me (if anybody ever reads my blogs) if you think this is reasonable. She wants Chuck to give up, to take out of the parenting time order, his every other week-end and give up one week in the summer. I am not sure about the one evening a week but I am sure she wants that out to. She wants their son to be able to decide when he sees his father. So basically Chuck would not have any set parenting time. According to her, their son has too many activities in the summer for us to be able to have him for two weeks. Also, she does not want their son to miss out on 'anything' and she is afraid he will miss out on a lot of stuff if he has to go see his Dad. Basically, she wants Chuck to give up his parenting time for their son's social life.

We know that his son has band camp in August so we were hoping to get a week in June and a week in July. Chuck was supposed to have his son for the 4^th of July holiday this year but a trip may or may not be in the works for his son to go down to FL and spend time with ex's family at a NASCAR race. We were not consulted about this and are still not sure of any details or if it is going to happen at all. It is something that Chuck's son really wants to do so we did not raise a fuss about it. BUT Chuck should have been consulted since A. it is his holiday this year and B. what parent would not expect (and should be) consulted about their child leaving the state for a week. Oh yeah, the ex is willing to give up one of her weeks of vacation time. WOW, what a sacrifice. They never go anywhere!! I think last summer they went on a 'vacation'. It was a week-end trip to Michigan Adventure. Family vacations are important to us – see blog below – and we always go somewhere every summer. We know that we will not be able to do that with our son much longer but we were hoping to do it this year. Chuck should still get his two weeks in the summer even if we sit at home one week because of our son's schedule. She told us at the meeting to plan a vacation for another time other than summer! What and take him out of school? We would not want to do that but like that would ever happen. She just gets pissed off because we take our son places. It all goes back to the jealousy thing. She does not want her son to have a good time with us.

Chuck's ex also stated that she is sure their son will be at our house quite a bit because he loves coming over. I know he likes coming over but we are already competing with his social life now. I can't imagine what it would be like if we did not have a set parenting time. It has already been difficult dealing with her over issues regarding parenting time, why would now be any different? If our son wanted to come over but she felt that it was more important that he stay at her house, who do you think would win out? She has a lot of influence over her son (as mothers do) and she has no problem lying and manipulating people, including her son, to get what she wants. Did I say it has been difficult dealing with her over parenting time issues? It has been very, very difficult to downright impossible dealing with her. All the instances of her flying off the handle, calling my husband and yelling at  him, coming up to his work and yelling at him, lying, and her under-handed tricks could fill many blogs. We cannot trust her now. We cannot trust her to not influence their son against visiting his father. In my opinion, she has made a consistent effort to try to push my husband out of their son's life and this is just one of her little tricks disguised in concern for her son's social life and school activities. No, no, we cannot trust her and it would be cruel to put all that responsibility on our son about when he should visit and not visit. I told Chuck's ex at this meeting Wed (and before) that we do not trust her. I should have articulated more of what I meant because she took it to mean that I was just trying to hurt her. She went on and on about how what I think about her does not matter to her. That is not the issue - I don't really care; I don't care what she thinks about me either but trust is at issue here. If she really feels that Chuck giving up his parenting time is what is best for her son then we need to trust her to make sure that their son is given room to make his decisions without her manipulating him or influencing his decisions. We cannot trust her not to do that. Even in the best of circumstances (which these are not, believe me) it would be hard for any parent not to influence their child to stay with them, etc. She has never shown herself to be a positive influence in regard to fostering a good relationship with the other parent. Every parent, whether there is divorce or not, is obligated to promote a good relationship with the other parent, unless of course the other parent is totally crazy or unsafe. She is not interested in doing this.

She also stated that she does not get to spend time with her son because he is never home. I hardly think that is true. He is at her house 75% of the time.  It is up to her to make spending time with her son a priority. She says he is always at friend's houses. For one thing, she gets to see him most every morning and most every evening. Another thing, ah, he is home watching TV the majority of the time Chuck calls him. If he was always at friend's houses, Chuck would never get a hold of him.

Other issues at hand here are transportation, family being a priority, and just plain old teenager stuff. She tried to put on like she was so concerned with Chuck (Chuck does not drive due to eyesight problems) and I having to drive their son to anything he wants to do. We have been doing it so far, what is to stop us now? Sure it is difficult sometimes. Our son needs to do a better job a communicating the details of his activities (she has never been any help in this regard either) and what he wants to do. Chuck and I do what we can to keep abreast of what is going on with our son – we check the school website and have the newsletter delivered to us, but the rest falls to our son. If he wants to do something, he needs to let us know. After the meeting, Chuck and I were like "If she is so concerned about her son missing activities and times with his friends why doesn't she step up and provide more of the transportation?"

She also said sometimes he keeps himself from doing things with his friends because it is on his Dad's time and he is afraid to ask and hurt our feelings. This may or may not be true. He does not have much of a problem with that when he is at our house. I think he sometimes may be torn about which set of friends he wants to spend time with – the set at his Mom's or at his Dad's. We have always tried to have an open relationship with our son. He can talk to us about anything but I don't think he realizes it even though we have told him over and over. I blame this on his mother too. She has told him in the past not to talk to us about certain things because he will get her in trouble. So now I think he is afraid to say much of anything. Chuck and I have told our son to keep us informed of activities, let us know anytime he wants to do anything, he is more than welcome to call his friends (no matter where they are from) and have them over – we have even offered to have a sleepover or party for his friends; it is on our son's shoulders whether he follows through on his end. We do not want him to miss out on anything either and have been accommodating to changes in schedule, etc. Chuck has always been flexible with his parenting time. I cannot say the same for his ex. There will be spurts where she is fairly flexible about things but only if she is happy with her life at the time. There are times (most often) you can tell she is not happy with what is going on in her life because she takes it out on those around her. Now I know there are times when plans cannot be changed or activities/family functions/ whatever cannot be planned around whose week-end (this happens on our end too, but again Chuck has always been easy to deal with) it is but there have been many times we have caught her in lies. She will say NO to us just to say no because she just does not want us to have time with her son. For one thing, I get the feeling that either she does not think that Chuck, his son and I are a family or have the right to consider ourselves a family or she thinks that her family (and things that she may be doing) is more important than our family or anything we might want to do. I also think that she has let her son know this, if not in words then certainly in actions. It is sad, to always have to battle that. Add to that the teenager stuff; rebellion, friends being a priority over family, tons of activities to do … Well it is just hard to have any time with our son.

 

Some of the other frightening things about her idea of Chuck not having any set parenting time and letting their son decide are:

            What if we are disciplining (will we even be able to with an arrangement like that?) him about something and of course he does not like it and gets mad. He just says "I am mad at Dad so I am not going over to his house!"

            We will have less communication with our son and will be even less informed than we are now about what is going on in his life.

            What if he decides he wants to come to our house? He calls and we are not home, we have made other plans, or Chuck is home but no one is available to pick up our son? Are just supposed to hang around waiting for the phone to ring?

            The ex gets mad and says "well we will just revert back to what the court order says!" She has done this many times. Well there will not be much to the order anymore, will there?

             Not having a set parenting time puts more of a burden on our son. He would be put in a postion of having to choose between the parents at certain points. He has already said he does not want to have to choose between the two. Having the parenting time makes it easier on him because there are set times with each parent.

 

I think the idea is crazy. Too much competition for our son's time! Too many chances for her to manipulate situations!

           

The bottom line is this: Our family and spending time with our son is important to us. At the same time we want him to do whatever his little heart desires (within reason of course, you know, not talking 'bout letting him blow things up for example). We need to find a balance between the two. Family should take precedence over everything but that should not be so heavy handed that it does not allow for other things. 

 

WOW!! This is soooo long. Heehe. It really helped to write it all out though. Tell me what you think - if anybody reads all this.

 

FAMILY VACATIONS

Pics taken from a vacation in 2005.

 

FAMILY VACATIONS ARE IMPORTANT TOO!!!

I believe that taking a family vacation (Mom, Dad, kids) is very important. Any family that has the money should go on a family vacation. In my opinion it should be a priority. You don't have to go far or somewhere spectacular like Disney everytime. Just camping in your home state is good. It is a great bonding time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. No distractions like work or other drama. You get to explore new places, maybe even different ways of life or cultures. Not only that but it teaches kids (it did for me anyway) love of history, state and country. This is very important to me. I want to pass that on to my stepson.

I think a true vacation it at least 7days but ideally is 10 days (encompassing 1 full week - 1st week-end, all 5 business days and the following weekend.). That is the vacation time I rememeber spending with my parents when I was a kid. We usually went to places in our home state of Michigan. It was fun and interesting. I will have to blog about all the great Michigan places to go later. Sadly, I don't think a lot of families get that time anymore.

Chuck and I like to take at least 2 weeks with his son Jordan. One of the weeks is usually a family camping trip with Chuck's siblings and all their kids (even the teenagers!). It is fun - we go camping at different places in Michigan each year. Unfortunately, we are not able to do it this year because some of the family have changed jobs and cannot get vacation time. Chuck and I usually like to take a week and go up to my parents place outside of Manistee, Michigan. We love to go to the beach and up to Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes. We canoe also. Last year Chuck and I went but we were not able to take Jordan due to his mother being her lovely self. It looks like this year she is going go be just as troublesome. I had actually wanted to take 2 weeks and go to the U.P. Chuck's son (he is a teenager)has some activities he wants to particitate in which may preclude his going with us for two weeks. It is just sad and frustrating. We don't get to spend a lot of time with Chuck's son and vacation time is always special. Chuck's ex doesn't seem to make having a family vacation a priority. That is her choice but now she wants us to sacrifice our time. There are a lot of activities that kids can participate in during summer. I am sure they make allowances for family time. If they don't I it doesn't really matter that much to me because there are times when family (family time) has to come first.

Jealousy

I am getting ready to go to Chicago and my brain is just going a mile a mintute thinking about what I have to do. In between all those thoughts are thoughts of school, more specifically psychology. I was just thinking about jealousy and I had to write down my thoughts.

First I was asking myself "Is jealousy a motivator?" I mean is there any good to it? Where does it play in psychology, the various theories and schools of thought. I have not really come across much about it in school. I hope it will be addressed in Ab.Psych but to be jealous is not really that abnormal, is it?

I am thinking of a specific person when I write this. Those of you who know me (if anybody ever reads my blogs, haha) well will know who I am thinking of. OK so, jealousy is a normal emotion. The bible says it is wrong so I think that is why so many people have trouble with it when they feel it. Jealousy is not wrong, in my opinion. It is wrong to get all bent out of shape over it though. Whenever I feel jealous, I just think of all my blessings, all my goals (do I really want what the other person has - reason it out), and all that I can acheive and then put those feelings away. It usually does go away. Other people do not deal with jealousy that well. Some people let it bend them out of shape and they get angry and then they take it out on the people they love or the person they are jealous of. Sometimes they get competitive and may even chase after goals/ideas/things they really did not want in the first place. It changes them.They end up looking like an idiot though. It is because they cannot accept the fact that they are jealous, cannot face that emotion, do not accept the fact that it is a normal thing to feel. Just deal with it! They need to take some time to analyze their emotions honestly, and then maybe they won't end hurting people, looking like a fool, or making foolish choices - i.e. letting the jealousy rule them.

I think at times jealousy can actually be good. It may make a person stop and take stock of what they really want. It may spur them towards a goal. Sometimes the competiveness can be healthy - a person may actually step up their game to acheive the object of their jealousy. As long as the jealous person knows themself - what they are feeling and why they want what they want. As long as they do not let jealousy bend them out of shape. What do you think? Does this make sense?

I was thinking about this also because I think jealousy is out of control with a lot of people in America. "Have to keep up with the Jones" I think that mentality has a lot to do with the housing crisis and credit crunch we have going on now.

I had another thought. People often cannot face up to feeling jealous because it means that the other person is better than them. The jealous person is less than or has less then the object of their jealousy. That hurts. It is hard to face for some people. It also gives the object of jealousy power and that is bad. If anybody reads this please let me know what you think.

Awesome!

I have been having an awesome week so far, other than being kind of crabby. Maybe I need some meds!  

School has been going pretty good. I got a B (81%) on my Ab.Psychology test, which isn't bad considering the class average is 64.4%. I messed up on one of the essay questions. I will do better next time.  My psych professor, Dr. McCain, gives hard tests. The good news is she throws out your worst test  when computing final grades. I had Dr. McCain last year for Theories of Personality and I really like her. I wish she would be my mentor. I am afraid to ask her though. She paid me a great compliment last week. She said, "You know, Jackie, you really were my beacon of light last year." I guess the rest of the class did not do very well, some people were upset - it was a difficult class. She told me I did the best out of all the class. I worked my ass off in that class. My first test I did horribly on so after that I did not fool around. I ended up getting a 4.0, which was amazing. I was so thankful that she and remembered me and took the time to tell me too. Dr. McCain is awesome!

I am taking an acting class this semester and we are working on monologues. I have another great instructer in that class - Dan Gerics. He is an inspiration to me - so talented and full of creativity. I am not sure if he really likes me though. I guess I get the feeling that he is not sure of me or something. Well I did my monologue in front of the class for the first time Wednesday (just a preliminary reading) and I received some nice compliments. The best part was I could tell that Dan really liked it too. That felt really good. I was reluctant to do it on Wednesday because lately I have been going through some shit, not wanting to get up in front of people - not wanting to be looked at. I get like that sometimes. 'I want to be alone!' I think it may be Seasonal Affective Disorder - you know the whole wanting to hibernate in winter thing. So I am glad I pushed myself to get up in front of the class. Check out Dan's theatre - http://www.flintcitytheatre.com/

Another good think is I got an A on my first Algebra test. Woohoo! I am proud of that - math is not my strongest subject. I am going to have to study my ass off to keep that up. I also got and A on my first English Paper (Reading Pop Culture, it is a distance learning class). This is a hard class. So far it has been very irritating and not enjoyable. I hope that gets better. I have another paper due on Monday or Tuesday. That is one of the reasons it is so irritating - I never know for sure when papers are due. The prof will email the class on Monday with instructions on when to turn it in. Just give it to us now, dammit! 

Now for the piece de resistance - for Valentine's Day  my husband booked us a trip to Chicago!  We are going for the week-end and will be staying at the Palmer House Hilton right downtown. I love Chicago and I love the Palmer House. I hope to hit the Art Institute of Chicago. I will have to drag my husband. He should be happy - the AIC is free this month! I am getting excited. I was very surprised but I am worried also because I have a lot of homework (have to take some with me darn it  ) and stuff I need to do before we leave. What the heck am I blogging for?? 

 Here are some pics from a trip we took in Summer 2005. There is the lobby of the Palmer House; Michigan Avenue; Chicago skyline from Navy Pier ferris wheel; skyline with Hancock building (I hope we go to the restuarant up there this trip!)

 

It is too cold!

On this cold day I am thinking about a hot day in summer. The particular day I am thinking about is my wedding day, June 15th, 2007.  It was very hot, near 90 degrees. That would feel so good right now. I was looking over my wedding pictures and thought I should write a blog about the day so I can always remember it. It is also a good writing exercise - to write out a sequence of events.

 

It was an awesome day even though it was so hot. Chuck and I were lucky enough (courtesy of my parents) to have our wedding ceremony and reception at Cromaine Lodge, Waldenwoods. My Matron of Honor, Rachel, and I stayed the night at there, in Sunshine Lodge. We had a late night, actually I think the sun was coming up when I finally went to sleep. We tried to get everything ready the night before and cart it all over to Waldenwoods. There were still a lot of little things to get done but I finally went to sleep around 5:30am, I think. I did not want to look like and be a tired, crabby bride.

 

   This is a picture from the porch of Sunshine Lodge, Waldenwoods. 6/15/07

I woke up around 11am. My friend Melissa and her kids came banging on our door. She took my wedding gown and some of the other stuff up to the brides room at Cromaine Lodge. Rachel jumped in the shower while I had some quiet time on the porch of Sunshine Lodge. Melissa told me that the arbor was decorated and the chairs were already set up for the ceremony. Wow!

The rest of the afternoon flew by. I am so glad I chose to have a fairly late ceremony - 6pm. I took the rest of my stuff up to the brides room. Melissa, her daughter Katie, Katie's friend Chris, bridesmaid Stephanie, and Rachel were all there. I did a little decorating down in the reception hall - amazingly all the tables were set up already, even my centerpieces. I had to decorate the fireplace mantels (there are 3) and put candles in the fireplaces. The girls and Katie's friend Chris helped me get stuff ready, but even with all of us working we were still pressed for time. Waldenwoods provided us with some refreshments and sandwhiches. I ate really quick, then had to go take a shower. I had a hair and make-up appointment at a salon up the road in Hartland. I think it was for 2pm. I thought I had enough time but I still ended up running late. Hahaha. I also drove myself to my appointment, leaving the girls to get ready in the bride's room. I should have had hair and make-up come up to us! Or I should have had a limo.

I went to my hair appointment. Getting my hair done ended up taking some time. The hairdresser, who did an awesome job, said I was really calm. She kept asking me if I was all right. I guess she had never seen a bride as calm as me.  I was a little nervous but not much. I had promised myself that I would stay calm and try not to cry on the Big Day. I was worried about time. I wanted to be done by 4:30 so the girls and I could have pictures done. Well I didn't end up getting done with hair and make-up until around 5pm (I think a little after). Yikes! Two kind of funny things happened at the salon. When the hair stylist was done with my hair (tiara and veil on also), she asked, "You're going to cut your shirt off, right?" I was like "oh, yeah - how am I going to get out of my shirt? I hadn't thought of that."  Then as I was going out to my car, ladies going into the salon were cheering me. I had a little trouble getting into my car. I was worried about my veil. It was so hot too! I was worried about my make-up. I was cursing myself for not planning better. Should have had a driver!

I pulled up to Waldenwoods, it must have been around 5:15. Guests were already arriving!! I could not believe it. The people at WW told me that only about half of the guests show up for the ceremony, and they usually straggle in. There were already a lot of guests there. Yikes! I had to hurry up and drive back to my room at Sunshine Lodge, grab a few things. My cell phone is ringing off the hook - the girls,  "Where are you?" I saw my Dad along the way. He said "You're not dressed yet?!" "Um, obviously not Dad." Now the nerves were starting to set in. Time is always my enemy. I decided to change out of my clothes there. I shimmy out of my shirt - didn't have to cut it. Oh, stupid me - what the heck am I going to wear back to Cromaine Lodge? I wrap a towel around me, jump in my car and head on up to Cromaine Lodge. I had to run into the Lodge wrapped in a towel. I know some of the guests saw me. Won't they have a funny story to tell!

Back in the brides salon at Cromaine Lodge, my good friend Melissa had her hands full. Thank God she was there though. Thank God for Melissa! She had to do some alterations on Stephanie and Rachel's dresses. She got herself ready and also did Rachel and Stephanie's hair. Then I come running in there and she had all my wedding clothes laid out and ready for me to get dressed. The florist was there waiting for me to approve the flowers. They were beautiful. The photographer was kind of freaking out because he would not have time to get pictures of just us girls. I had to send down some last minute items, like the fan programs and the sand ceremony stuff. Katie and Chris took care of that. Thank God for Katie too. Then the minister was asking if we were going to start on time. What? Is it 6pm already?!! It was about 5:45 - time to get dressed. No time for nerves now! I had not even seen my Mom yet. It seems she was down greeting all the early arrivals and could not make her way up to the bride's room. Melissa helped me get dressed. The little flower girl, Brianna, was in there. She is so funny. I was naked behind a screen and she came back there and said "I see your butt crack, I see your butt crack." Hahahaha. Well I got dressed, got my jewelry on, and then, finally here comes my Mom. She hugged me and was starting to cry. No time for tears Mom. It was time to go. It was 5 minutes to 6pm. My Mom and I both talked later and we both wished we would have just waited a few minutes. It wouldn't have been that much of a big deal if we started a few minutes late. Oh well, no one had time to get very nervous this way.

I made my way downstairs to the double doors leadind out to the front lawn. My Dad was waiting for me. He was not emotional at all. I was glad because I did not need to get emotional. My biggest fear was that I would be a blubbering mess at the alter. My Dad and I peaked through the doors and watched the wedding party walk down the aisle. My Dad asked "I hope the rings aren't on the pillow!?"  I looked - my nephew, LiL Kenny, the ringbearer was twirling the pillow around as he walked up the aisle. Luckily, the rings were with the best man. The kids looked so cute. I had two flower girls and one ringbearer. Then it was my turn to walk down the aisle. I walked down with a big smile on my face. Boy it was hot! And boy was the sun bright. There was my husband to be waiting for me with the minister, he looked so handosme in his tux. My Dad kissed me and then it was time for the ceremony.

My biggest fear and hurtle was getting over the ceremony. I always thought while planning, "I just can't wait for the party." Actually, the ceremony was what I remember most. The reception was mainly a big blur that went by too fast. The ceremony was beautiful. I didn't get all weepy, and Chuck did not seem nervous either. Even though it was hot, I did not feel it too badly. The minister did a fine job. The musicians, the Nagy Duo (harp and flute),  were awesome. I loved the sand ceremony. One funny thing though, was my nephew, Lil Kenny, came up there with the ring bearer pillow saying "Where's Uncle Chuck, where's Uncle Chuck?" It was so funny and cute. I guess he finally thrust the pillow at the best man and took off running. Also, Chuck said there were people on the Lake cheering for us. hehehe. A lot of people have told me it was one of the best weddings they have been to. Of course, what could they say - ha. My aunt Candy said that it she felt a lot of love - there was a lot of love in the air. It was over too quickly. We had pictures which the two youngest of the bridal party could not hold still for. The sun was in our eyes for much of the pictures.

The reception went by in a whirl. I was pulled this way and that. I don't think I got a chance to talk to everybody. The food was awesome, and I do remember sitting down and eating. The music was lovely and my friends gave me a very wonderful toast. I will always cherish that. We cut the cake. We danced. I remember dancing my butt of with the teens. I remember seeing Jordan dancing and having a good ole time. We took pictures. I didn't get a chance to drink. Then soon it was 12:30 and it was over. I want to go back, now that I am sitting here writing about it. It was awesome - thanks Mom and Dad.

One bad thing did happen, which I did not find out about until the next day, so it didn't have any impact on the day. Someone (supposedly a teenager) tossed a paper towel in the light fixture upstairs and started a fire. It was quickly put out.

After the wedding, my hubby and I went back to our room in Sunshine Lodge and had some alone time. My friend and maid of honor, Rachel and her man, Justin, and bridesmaid Stephanie stayed at Sunshine Lodge that night also. After me and my hubby had our time, we went and got some beer and wine and we all sat out on the porches of the Lodge and talked. It was a nice way to end the day. The great thing about it is my husband and I can go to Waldenwoods anytime and stay there and remember.

 

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Bride dies during first dance at wedding - Life- msnbc.com
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 I don't have much to say but how sad this is

Love Is Blind

Love is Blind

OMG! Once upon a time I had a best friend named Johnny/Juan. I wrote about him yesterday in my Paczki blog. Well I fell in love with Juan in Jr High. I kept that a secret from him throughout high school until about 11th grade. I was afraid to ruin our friendship. He and I started going in different directions about 9th grade anyway. He found out I was in love with him but he did not return the feelings. Our friendship did suffer because he wanted to be part of the 'IN' crowd and I hung out more with the interesting crowd (Drama people). Even though Juan did not return my feelings and I was hurt, I still held on to those feelings for him. We had a lot of history together. All this love I had for him did not die. I waited for him for many years. It was not meant to be. Eventually I came to terms with that. I thought it was just that I was more like a sister to him, and wasn't his type. I thought he went more for the helpless blond chicks. Well I was right and wrong. I was not his type. Yesterday, I found out Juan is .... GAY! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH.  hahahhahahaha.  I could not believe it. I found yet another website like myspace and I looked up Juan. I always wonder how he is. I do miss him, although I don't have the same feelings for him that I used to. I don't even know him anymore but I consider him and his family part of my family (his Mom and brother came to my wedding). Well I looked him up - he is living in DC with his husband! My friends used to wonder if he was gay, but I never thought so - and I thought I had awesome 'gaydar'. Love is blind. hehee Now I can compete with my husband in regards to stupid relationship choices. He sometimes beats himself up over a mistake he made. Well he didn't waste 10 + years of his life mooning over someone who was not or would never be interested in him. This is all very funny. It is crazy that I never knew. I am kind of glad I did not find out about this 10 years ago though, before I met my dear hubby. I might have been devastated. Now I can just laugh and shake my head.