I have to vent. I am up late tonight because I am not feeling well at all. I actually had to call off from work, which makes me mad. I have not felt good for over a month now. I don't really want to talk about my symptoms at this point. I did go see the Dr when it all started but I have not improved. I was supposed to go back last week but I put it off because I hate going. I will need to see the Dr this week. I have been so tired, my allergies are acting up bigtime, and I am wheezing which is not good for sleep (specially when I am already anxious because I feel like crap). I am just so sick of it! I need to get better because school starts in less than a month and I need to be in top form. I have also been crabby lately and I have not felt like myself. I hate it. UGH!
I am just ready to attack all my health problems. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, and depression. I also have allergy problems. I think what I have going on now is all part of the chronic fatigue thing - my immune system is not what it should be. I also am overweight, I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I have learned to deal with the depression. The fibromyalgia doesn't bother me that much anymore. It is the damn CFS and allergies that are bringing me down. Yeah so when I am really, really tired all the time, the depression starts bothering me. I also need to attack my weight problem too. I know I will feel a little better if I were lighter - it is not the cure all though. I want to concentrate on fighting the CFS and my allergies. If I start feeling better, more energized, then I can battle the weight problem. I just don't know what can be done about CFS - there is no medication that will make me feel less tired all the time. I tried taking vitamins but they do not help that much.
I wish there were some miracle drug or supplement. I am sick of being exhausted. I can't live my life on will power all the time. I really have to push myself to do anything because I only have a few good hours a day. And by few I mean very few - like 3. So I constantly have to juggle what I am going to do in my good hours - how am I going to expend that little bit of energy that I have. If I have to work then forget about it, I have no choice in the matter. The energy is expended at work. The rest of the time I am running on shear will power - that is me pushing me to get shit done. I don't always succeed. Plus, if I push too hard in one day, you better believe I pay for it the next day. That pisses me off because there is so much I want to do. So much I have to do. I am sick of feeling this way. Sick of battling. What pisses me off even more is that very few people understand how it feels to be like this. They think you are lazy, or crazy, making stuff up, or just don't deal with being tired very well. NO, CFS is a debillitating illness. I know the difference between being just normally tired and being CFS exhausted. There is a difference. It sucks to have to explain this to people all the time. I just want to feel better - I want to have the energy that a regular person has. I envy those people that say they only need 5 hours of sleep a night and they are fine (I don't really believe them though). Oh yes, and this is not a weight thing. I was not fat when I was diagnosed with CFS and I felt just as bad, in fact worse because my fibromyalgia was at it's worst then (I felt like an arthritic old lady - like I should be hunched over a cane with curled hands - and yes it was that bad!).
So I need to attack these health problems of mine. I need to get my butt to the Dr's with my list of complaints and really stay on him until I feel better. I am sick of this!!
For more info on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome:
I was reading on this chat board I visit every onec and a while (check it out - it is all about blended families for any steps out there 