Monday, August 31, 2009

And while we're on the subject....

While we are on the subject of not feeling good and having no energy...

 

I really hate having to explain my lack of energy to people. Or at least I feel that I have to explain why I am always tired and do not have enough energy to do all that people want me to. I have Chronic Fatigue. People think it is a made up illness because no one really knows what causes it exactly or how to treat it. It is also hard for people to grasp the concept that a person with Chronic Fatigue is really ill because there are not any prominent physical signs/symptoms to the disease that people can empathize with, such as a limp, or puking or a rash, etc. Mostly I am just very exhausted, so much so that I cannot think and I get crabby. I really just can barely function - it like I get in a funk. I could sleep for 10 - 12 hours a day and not feel any better. I have to conserve my energy to get the things done that I need to. I really have to prioritize. It really sucks when 4 hours of work knock can knock me on my ass. Or not getting the proper amount of sleep for one night drains me for the next 2-3 days. Yeah, people don't really understand. They think that I can just will my way out of feeling tired or drink some coffee (or take an energy pill) and I will be alright. No, doesn't work like that, caffiene doesn't do anything for me. There is only so much a person can accomplish on sheer will power before they hit a wall. It is a constant struggle. It is hard to explain too. Hard to feel valued in today's society that runs, runs, runs. Hard to find understanding.

 

So to all my friend and family who see me struggling, who help me, who stand by me, who understand why I may not be able to do everything you want me to do (it really does impact the social life) - THANKS  

 

Back to the same ole, same ole

Struggling! OK, I haven't been writing in my blog too much lately. Not enough energy. ARGH! This is frustrating to me because there is so much I want write about, not just my personal life and struggles but also I am yearning to write about issues that matter to me. It seems the more I write, the more things become clear in my mind and I begin to generate ideas. I love ideas! And I want to create - I love creating.  I just need to find the freakin' energy to write everyday. This summer has been a mixed bag of some great vacations and a lot of activity between feeling sick and run down. I have had very little time for writing and creativity, although I have done a little reading which has started the wheels turning in my head. I need to find more energy. I have a pretty good idea what has been bringing me down - allergies have been super bad this year, and my chronic fatigue has been very bad... so I get sluggish and depressed. It seems I have developed asthma or some kind of lung problem. My Doctor is no help at all, not even for my allergies. Doctors have really not been any help to me at all for a while now. I have been severely let down it this department. Health care really sucks these days! This makes me just want to give up.

 

My efforts to find more energy:

 

I have been trying to exercise. I bought a wii and the wii fit board. I love it - it actually makes exercising fun so I hope that will help my energy level. I need to start eating better and taking vitamins. My thinking is I need to buckle down and lose some weight and work on getting healthier. I feel the less I weigh, the better I eat, the more I will be able to build up my immune system. My breathing problems could be tied into my weight problem.

 

I have been going to an alternative health practioner (well just 2 visits so far) of holistic medicine. Actually my Mom has been taking me. I have not really seen any benefits yet; I am hoping to eventually see some the more I go, the more I take the medicines she gives me, as well as my efforts to eat better, take vitamins and exercise. I just need to keep at it. Kick into high gear.

 

I also need to start writing again to try and keep me from getting frustrated, angry and depressed. The only thing is I need to find energy - need to keep my energy level up. All this comes back to energy and it roles in around in a vicious cycle. No energy to do everything I need to do let alone exercise and eat better, no energy to write, so then I get depressed and sick and have even less energy, then I get discouraged and want to eat to perk myself up, and lay around to try and get some kind of rest.... round and round. I need to stay positive and rely heavily on will power to get stuff done. Exhausting!! But I will break out of this cycle.

 

Next week starts school again. I am excited to go back but I am also apprehensive. There is so much I want to accomplish - do I have the energy? Am I ready to face the challenges? Can I juggle school, work, trying to shape out, family and all the activities I want to do? I feel very weak. I have been feeling especially weak for the past year and a half. It really sucks. I was hoping to feel better before I went back to school this year but I truly don't . Scary. So I am back to the same ole, same ole - feeling like crap, struggling to get prepared for school, and hoping for the best.

 

 

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Heartbreaking


SPCA exec's dog dies after being left in hot car


The 16-year-old dog dies of kidney failure after being left for four hours


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32569213/ns/us_news-life?gt1=43001


This article made me so angry. I can't believe the woman in the article - of all people, she should have known better. I just keep thinking that this is BS. This exec should step down! How could you not know that your dog was in the car? So stupid... so know are other people going to get away with using that as an excuse, "Honestly, I didn't know my dog was in the car!" yeah, NO EXCUSE!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Talking about Resilience: Build skills to endure hardship - MSN Health & Fitness - Caregiving

Talking about How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

 Wow this is a great article. I can see a lot of psychological research and papers coming out of this. It is all about men and women's differing reactions to stress and comunicating. Interesting food for thought....

Quote

How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
Forget everything you've heard about frankness, sharing your feelings, getting him to express his. Research into the functions of the male mind makes it clear that discussion may be the fastest way to shut down communication. (Oh, you noticed that, have you?)

Summer Fun


KIDS!!


Mackinac Island


Upper Peninsula Camping


Hot days in the pool


County Fair


 


Monday, August 10, 2009

Water

I freakin' love water and I hate the thought of having to ration it! This article is disheartening  - it shows how much water is actually wasted in American households. YIKES! I waste a lot. I am not proud of it but I need a nice, long shower. I will have to re-read this article and see where I can cut back or do better in my consumption of water.

 

Psychopaths

Another interesting article about psychopaths which also backs up the belief that I have that a lot of people can be psychopathic but are not always criminals and get by in regular society unrecognized (undiagnosed) as psychopaths. This psychologist believes that it may be a learning disorder.

 

Psychologist adds scientific insight to loaded label of 'psychopath'


"For most people on the planet, the term "psychopath" evokes thoughts of violence and bloodshed - and evil of the darkest kind. But during 25 years, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison has built a body of work that may help temper such deeply ingrained perceptions."


"So who are psychopaths? Broadly speaking, they are people who use manipulation, violence and intimidation to control others and satisfy selfish needs. They can be intelligent and highly charismatic, but display a chronic inability to feel guilt, remorse or anxiety about any of their actions."


"Scientists estimate that 15-25 percent of men and 7-15 percent of women in U.S. prisons display psychopathic behaviors. The condition, however, is hardly restricted to the prison system. Newman estimates that up to 1 percent of the general population could be described as psychopathic. Surprisingly, many who fall into that bracket might lead perfectly conventional lives as doctors, scientists and company CEOs."


"But Newman has a different idea entirely. He believes that psychopathy is essentially a type of learning disability or "informational processing deficit" that makes individuals oblivious to the implications of their actions when focused on tasks that promise instant reward. Being focused on a short-term goal, Newman suggests, makes psychopathic individuals incapable of detecting surrounding cues such as another person's discomfort or fear."


"People think (psychopaths) are just callous and without fear, but there is definitely something more going on," Newman says. "When emotions are their primary focus, we've seen that psychopathic individuals show a normal (emotional) response. But when focused on something else, they become insensitive to emotions entirely."


My question - is violence always present in a psychopath? I have known a few people who fit this definition but violence is not evident in their behavior. Also I believe our society cultivates psychopathic behavior in a lot of ways. I mean how focused are we on instant gratification? Also, how often are we taught to tamp down or put a lock on our emotions (especially men) in order to complete a task or get through something difficult? How much are we taught to read (or the importance of reading people) emotional cues that would clue us into what others are feeling? I think in today's society, emotions and reading emotions are forgotten or are made out to be something that is not important or even something to be feared.


Here is another article about the psychopathic brain:


http://www.physorg.com/news168610123.html


"The research investigated the brain biology of psychopaths with convictions that included attempted murder, manslaughter, multiple rape with strangulation and false imprisonment. Using a powerful imaging technique (DT-MRI) the researchers have highlighted biological differences in the brain which may underpin these types of behaviour and provide a more comprehensive understanding of criminal psychopathy.


Dr Michael Craig said: 'If replicated by larger studies the significance of these findings cannot be underestimated. The suggestion of a clear structural deficit in the brains of psychopaths has profound implications for clinicians, research scientists and the criminal justice system.' "


If there are structural differences in the brain of a psychopath compared to a non-psychopathic individual then it would be interesting to combine brain scans with the testing mentioned in the Newman study from the first article I posted. This could help psychologists get beyond using prisoners and start using the regular population in studies of psychopathy. Of course, people may be resistant to being used in a study of psychopathy but I don't think you necessarily have to share the purpose of the study with the participants and of course all testing would be confidential. Interesting, interesting....I may be able to use some of this in school.


 


 



Wednesday, August 5, 2009

This one needed help...


 


Gym killer leaves dark Web diary, details of plot


‘I chickened out!’ he wrote of same fitness class months before killing 3, self


 

This guy would have been a perfect candidate for counseling and group therapy. If only he would have gotten help before before he shot up the gym it probably would have never happened. I wonder if he was ever in therapy or if he didn't believe in it like a lot of men?