More Weight Loss Inspiration

I love this story about this student who lost 80 pounds in a year. She did it by just exercising little by little when she could. It is inspirational! I really need to start doing that. I also have a friend who lost 27 pounds in 2 months. I am so proud of her because I know it was not easy. Now I just need a kick in the butt to get me moving! 

http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2010/02/biggest_campus_loser_20-year-o.html

Need to start blogging again...

Interesting Article

New rules for a shrinking middle class

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/new-rules-for-a-shrinking-middle-class.aspx?page=1

I like reading how people have adapted and changed to these troubling economic times. It gives me hope and ideas.

Lost a friend...

Wally Kaboom, Rest in Peace 12-15-09 He was a great dog, gentle and loving. He will be missed tremendously.

We had to put our dog Wally to sleep. He was 12 or 13 years old and his health was failing. His hips had been really bothering him and then he started having seizures. We had taken the day previously (he started having seizures that morning) and the vet drew blood and sent him home with us and some meds to await the results of the blood tests. He had 3 seizures the next morning so we rushed him to the vet.

The vet told us Wally's sugar was really high and he was diagnosed as a diabetic. We left Wally at the vet for treatment to bring down his sugar and figure out the right dosage of insulin for him. We thought he could be treated but later found out the medication for him would be $200 a month. At first the vet said it would be less money and he could do well with treatment but you never know and the seizures may be a symptom of the diabeties or it may be something else. We also found out Wally had a heart murmur. ARGH! My poor husband and I struggled, wrestled, all day trying to decide if we should go ahead and try to treat Wally or given his age and health if we should just put him to sleep. It was anguishing to make that decision (the worst I have ever had to make) but we finally decided to have him put to sleep. We went to the vets in the afternoon and the vet told us we were making the right decision, that he thought Wally was doing pretty poorly.

The vet brought Wally into the room with us. Wally was lethargic but started barking because he wanted to go home. It was heart wrenching! He didn't sound like himself and he could not get up on his back legs. We were waiting for my stepson to get to the vets office from his mom's house. My stepson wanted to say good-bye too. So we waited with Wally. I couldn't say good-bye. I wanted Wally to think everything was going to be OK but I think he knew. I think he knew for a while. It is so sad... We were there with him when they gave him the injection. It was quick and his spirit left quicky. I can't believe how fast he was gone. I hope he is in peace now and I hope he knows how much we love and miss him.

Commencements

Today I played for UM-Flint commencements. I joined the wind symphony and this is one of the things we have to do. It was kind of stressful - it is finals week, yuck! I kind of enjoyed it though - just thinking that I will be one of the graduates in a few months. Silly me - I was getting emotional. I always have to pinch myself because I can't believe I am actually going to school at UM-Flint and that I am on my way to getting my Bachelors. Then I was thinking about the ups and downs of going to school and how much I want to accomplish still. I really need to step up my game. 

I liked what the key note speakers had to say. The first speaker, graduated from UM-Flint in 1973 and has continued to be a part of the University and the Flint community even though he does not live in the area. He talked about optimism and giving back to the community. The second speaker, a graduating student also talked about the same ideals. I have much to learn from these people. I just wonder where they get the energy. 

My Birthday

Today is my birthday. I am old! No, really. Mentally I don't feel old but my body is starting to feel the age. ARGH! It sucks. Well as usual I have been feeling like crap. Tried all the time, and ache-y too - more so than usual. This does have an effect on how much mental energy I can spend on extra stuff so I have not been writing like I want to. I miss keeping a blog. I will get back to it one of these days. 

 

Basically it is the same ole same ole. School, school, school, a little bit of work and always fighting sickness and fatigue. Now the holidays are coming so there is that stress on top of everything else. I wish I could convince my family to just take off for the holidays - forget the gifts (except for the little ones) and just go someplace nice and warm for the season. A cruise would be nice.  Well that is where I am at right now.

Poetry

"Painting is silent poetry, and poetry is painting that speaks."

- 

Plutarch

I like that quote, how apropos that it would be on my space today. I would replace painting with photography though.

~

We are writing poetry in creative writing class so here is my first attempt in a long time at writing a poem. I kind of like them...

the fridge

I open the door to the fridge

It is one of two

Because we need more room

To store all our food

 

I open the door to the fridge

So packed that five things fall out

Half empty cartons of spoiling food

I stuff them back in

 

I open the door to the fridge

And a smell like a fart wafts out

I close the door quickly

Trying to ignore the stench

..........

Clean Out, November 19th 2009

Half eaten can of old spam,

almost empty cartons of sour cream

too numerous to count,

stacked up haphazardly – they always fall out.

Throw them all out.

Expired

 

Spotted lunchmeat – definitely bad,

styrofoam container of leftovers from

some restaurant visited on Mother’s Day.

Even more in another fridge to get rid of;

doggie bags meant for later.

Forgotten

 

Biscuits dated 14^th of April 2009.

Squishy zucchini squashed and

no good now.

Brown guacamole, green fuzzy cheese,

liquefied lettuce and more…

Wasted

 

Don’t forget the eggs,

of a carton 3 are left.

Don’t think of dozens of others

in bags long ago thrown away,

like now - too heavy to lift.

Trashed

------------------------------------

Poetry is not always pretty and it does not have to rhyme. 

Perhaps this bears repeating...

I am reposting this blog from last March because a certain someone needs to know - 'I told you so'

 

You know I really hate to be a bitch but it really angers me that things could be prevented instead of just reacted to. It confuses a kid. Also, I don't particular like it when people try get credit for doing something that should have been done a long time ago or they should be doing all along. Not to mention all the BS. Would you like a gold star? Sorry but this one is mine  Call me crazy, a bitch, drama queen or whatever but I do know a few things.

 

March 19

Report Card Time: Too Many Activities=Bad Grades?

I don't know - you tell me. What are you thinking?

Also, why do some parents think that teenagers are grown and can be left to their own devices? Sometimes I think that some parents want to think their teen is grown up so they don't have to deal with issues or can spend more time on what they, the parent, want to do (or just be involved in the fun stuff their child is doing - COP OUT). That is lax parenting.

My thoughts are that teens are not grown up yet and still need guidance (this may be the time they need the most parenting), and yes sometimes they have to be told they cannot do stuff. Especially when they are getting bad grades (bad grades in my book is anything below a C-). There is no excuse! Especially when their grades have been less than stellar for years and nothing (or very little has been done about it). Academics need to be made (need to be seen as important by the teen, by both words and example) a priority. This means schoolwork, in class work, comes before all other extracurricular activities (whether they are school sanctioned or other activities). Talking to a teen about grades is all very well and good, letting them know your displeasure, and you can talk to you're blue in the face and they will say they understand and will do better yet the bottom line is you need to follow up all the talk with some action - either the kid has to do better in school, like he has been saying he had been or wants to do or some of his activities have to go until he does better in school. A teen needs to know parents mean business and the only way to get through to them sometimes is to take something away that they dearly want to do or make them work to get in the first place.

Of course it is better to make them work to get something they want before they actually get the privilege rather than take something away but sometimes, as in the case of lax parenting, parents have already given their teen what they wanted - independence, the ability to participate in any or all activities they want to. Then when the teen gets bad grades they (both parent and teen) want to make excuses and not do what needs to be done to correct the issue. What do you think is going to happen in the future? The teen is just going to miraculously improve his grades without guidance from anybody? Well wouldn't that be wonderful but unlikely to happen. No, most likely, if nothing is done about the bad grades, the teen will continue to flunk classes and get further and further behind, especially if he is allowed to participate in numerous extracurricular activities. That is why the teen should be getting decent grades before he is allowed to participate in extracurricular activities - make him earn it so he knows what it takes to keep it.

Does this make sense? Or is it better just to let your teen do what he wants and hope and pray for the best? Hope that he has the wisdom to make hard choices, to show some restraint, put academics first, and have the time management skills of an adult. Well you know my thoughts on the matter.

I learned this the hard way. Truth to tell, I still struggle with managing my time and activities. I was given all the independence I wanted as a teen. I was able to participate in any extracurricular activities.  I wanted to, which really wasn't that much. I did drama and choir outside of school hours. I was also in band but I was not in Marching or Jazz bands, so there was very little outside of school work. I had a job. I got bad grades, got behind and eventually quit high school. Truthfully, it wasn't just participating in extracurricular activities that led to me get bad grades, but that was part of it. I only participated in 3 extra activities - not 4 to 5 or more. It would have helped if someone would have stepped in and did something to make me see I had to make academics (no matter how boring or tedious, no matter how stupid and irrelevant I thought some subjects were) a priority. That I had to put some importance on things that had to be done to get by (this I hate - who doesn't hate jumping through hoops just to get a diploma? Or doing things they could care less about? But it is a part of life) rather that just placing importance on the things I really wanted to do. So if my parents had made me earn the right to participate in the activities or taken them away when I started failing high school, I might have learned to prioritize, and that there were things I had to do first before I got to do the things I really wanted. I have seen this work with other kids. A firm and guiding hand from the parents usually results in better academic performance and a kid who knows how to manage his time and activities. If that has been lacking then the kid will not learn and will be like me - he will end up learning the hard way or may never learn it. Is that what parents want?

 

 

March 21

Maybe someone can tell me ......

What is going through a mother's head when she buys her teenage son a cell phone with unlimited texting after the kid flunked a class last trimester (and the trimester before that) and has had less that stellar (way less than) grades - basically rewarding bad grades? On top of the that, the kid professes to have ADD although he has never been diagnosed (well not that is known of - that info may have been kept from us; some people just are not good at communicating unless they have their hand out), what in the heck is having unlimited texting going to do to the kids attention span? This kid (who is a good kid just does not have his priorities straight and has some issues he needs to work on) does have trouble following directions, paying attention, completing tasks and completing them well, is forgetful, and has problems with organization. Yeah, what parent in their right mind would think giving a kid a new phone with unlimited texting is a good idea? What does that reinforce? Won't it make the kid's attention problems worse?
 
I wonder what excuses there will be when the poor kid has to repeat a bunch of classes and cannot take the classes (such as band) he wants. How about the ultimate bad situation - he gets so behind in school and ends up quitting or cannot graduate with his class? I wonder who will be to blame? 
 
Please, anyone with kids (especially teens) share your feelings on this situation or even teens or young adults.

 

Another year of school begins...

I am excited to start school again but I don't think I am ready for all the hard work. I took a light load this semester. Well, so I thought. We'll see how light it actually is. I have Spanish 3 days a week, a creative writing class, symphony band, and an online psychology class - statistics and probability.

 

I had to take a foreign language for a requirement and I love languages anyway. It was either Chinese or Spanish given the way the U.S. is headed these days. I chose Spanish - I believe it to be easier than Chinese to learn. Class seems like it will be easy - no papers to write and I know some Spanish. I also have 2 years of French so I am sure some of the words/grammar are similar.

 

Of course the creative writing class will be a challenge - all writing. The biggest challenge to me in that is coming up with ideas and actually being able to sit myself down and write out what I want…Always too many draws on my time and concentration, not to mention my ever present fatigue. The prof seems nice but a little strict - he actually said that if you are too ill to attend class and do the writing, then you are too ill to be in school. I can see that but I also think "WTF? Is a person supposed to just wither away and die then?" I mean what if a person never feels good? They are not supposed to pursue a life? Maybe I am taking it too far but that is what I feel sometimes - yeah I don't feel good much of the time and my ass is dragging but I am dragging it - I want to get somewhere no matter how bad I feel and it helps if understanding people help me out along the way.

 

Stats and probability - yuck! I have to take it, it is a requirement for my major so I figured I would get it out of the way. It seems like it will be challenging. I would have rather taken a face to face class and not an online class but they did not offer one on my campus this semester so I am going to give it a try. Wish me luck.

 

I was most excited about joining the school band this semester. I signed up for symphony band because I miss performing. I used to play trombone in high school, oh 20 years ago. I have a trombone and I can still play so I thought band would be fun. I started class today - not so excited anymore. I was somewhat nervous and I had not practiced as much as I wanted to before I started. I am not strong at music reading, I used to have to hear a piece first and then practice it. Well I go to class apprehensive. I totally sucked. First we did some exercise I had never done before, the teacher was talking nonsense.  Then we start working on music, Yeah, I still sucked. I am thinking what have I gotten myself into? Yikes. Well I talked to the band director and he doesn't seem too concerned so I am still going to give band a try. I just need to practice, practice, practice. Work, work, work

 

Today I also attended University Chorale. I am seriously thinking about joining. I am not sure though - I don't want to load up on too much. I just miss performing and between band and chior I might be able to majorly improve my music reading skills.

 

So another year begins. I feel like I am too much out of my comfort zone, unsure if I can meet the challenges. This can be good or it can all come crashing down on me.

Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand...

Nice quote. It reminds me of a few people I have known. I wil have to remember that one.

What I did on my summer vacation....

Let me trot out the old stand by, cliche school essay to cement my memories of my wonderful summer.

 

"What I Did On My Summer Vacation"

And while we're on the subject....

While we are on the subject of not feeling good and having no energy...

 

I really hate having to explain my lack of energy to people. Or at least I feel that I have to explain why I am always tired and do not have enough energy to do all that people want me to. I have Chronic Fatigue. People think it is a made up illness because no one really knows what causes it exactly or how to treat it. It is also hard for people to grasp the concept that a person with Chronic Fatigue is really ill because there are not any prominent physical signs/symptoms to the disease that people can empathize with, such as a limp, or puking or a rash, etc. Mostly I am just very exhausted, so much so that I cannot think and I get crabby. I really just can barely function - it like I get in a funk. I could sleep for 10 - 12 hours a day and not feel any better. I have to conserve my energy to get the things done that I need to. I really have to prioritize. It really sucks when 4 hours of work knock can knock me on my ass. Or not getting the proper amount of sleep for one night drains me for the next 2-3 days. Yeah, people don't really understand. They think that I can just will my way out of feeling tired or drink some coffee (or take an energy pill) and I will be alright. No, doesn't work like that, caffiene doesn't do anything for me. There is only so much a person can accomplish on sheer will power before they hit a wall. It is a constant struggle. It is hard to explain too. Hard to feel valued in today's society that runs, runs, runs. Hard to find understanding.

 

So to all my friend and family who see me struggling, who help me, who stand by me, who understand why I may not be able to do everything you want me to do (it really does impact the social life) - THANKS  

 

Back to the same ole, same ole

Struggling! OK, I haven't been writing in my blog too much lately. Not enough energy. ARGH! This is frustrating to me because there is so much I want write about, not just my personal life and struggles but also I am yearning to write about issues that matter to me. It seems the more I write, the more things become clear in my mind and I begin to generate ideas. I love ideas! And I want to create - I love creating.  I just need to find the freakin' energy to write everyday. This summer has been a mixed bag of some great vacations and a lot of activity between feeling sick and run down. I have had very little time for writing and creativity, although I have done a little reading which has started the wheels turning in my head. I need to find more energy. I have a pretty good idea what has been bringing me down - allergies have been super bad this year, and my chronic fatigue has been very bad... so I get sluggish and depressed. It seems I have developed asthma or some kind of lung problem. My Doctor is no help at all, not even for my allergies. Doctors have really not been any help to me at all for a while now. I have been severely let down it this department. Health care really sucks these days! This makes me just want to give up.

 

My efforts to find more energy:

 

I have been trying to exercise. I bought a wii and the wii fit board. I love it - it actually makes exercising fun so I hope that will help my energy level. I need to start eating better and taking vitamins. My thinking is I need to buckle down and lose some weight and work on getting healthier. I feel the less I weigh, the better I eat, the more I will be able to build up my immune system. My breathing problems could be tied into my weight problem.

 

I have been going to an alternative health practioner (well just 2 visits so far) of holistic medicine. Actually my Mom has been taking me. I have not really seen any benefits yet; I am hoping to eventually see some the more I go, the more I take the medicines she gives me, as well as my efforts to eat better, take vitamins and exercise. I just need to keep at it. Kick into high gear.

 

I also need to start writing again to try and keep me from getting frustrated, angry and depressed. The only thing is I need to find energy - need to keep my energy level up. All this comes back to energy and it roles in around in a vicious cycle. No energy to do everything I need to do let alone exercise and eat better, no energy to write, so then I get depressed and sick and have even less energy, then I get discouraged and want to eat to perk myself up, and lay around to try and get some kind of rest.... round and round. I need to stay positive and rely heavily on will power to get stuff done. Exhausting!! But I will break out of this cycle.

 

Next week starts school again. I am excited to go back but I am also apprehensive. There is so much I want to accomplish - do I have the energy? Am I ready to face the challenges? Can I juggle school, work, trying to shape out, family and all the activities I want to do? I feel very weak. I have been feeling especially weak for the past year and a half. It really sucks. I was hoping to feel better before I went back to school this year but I truly don't . Scary. So I am back to the same ole, same ole - feeling like crap, struggling to get prepared for school, and hoping for the best.

 

 

Heartbreaking

SPCA exec's dog dies after being left in hot car

The 16-year-old dog dies of kidney failure after being left for four hours

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32569213/ns/us_news-life?gt1=43001

This article made me so angry. I can't believe the woman in the article - of all people, she should have known better. I just keep thinking that this is BS. This exec should step down! How could you not know that your dog was in the car? So stupid... so know are other people going to get away with using that as an excuse, "Honestly, I didn't know my dog was in the car!" yeah, NO EXCUSE!

Talking about Resilience: Build skills to endure hardship - MSN Health & Fitness - Caregiving

Another great article....

 

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/caregiving/end-of-life/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100242451&gt1=31052

 

Everybody needs resilience.

Talking about How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

 Wow this is a great article. I can see a lot of psychological research and papers coming out of this. It is all about men and women's differing reactions to stress and comunicating. Interesting food for thought....

Quote

How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
Forget everything you've heard about frankness, sharing your feelings, getting him to express his. Research into the functions of the male mind makes it clear that discussion may be the fastest way to shut down communication. (Oh, you noticed that, have you?)

Summer Fun

KIDS!!

Mackinac Island

Upper Peninsula Camping

Hot days in the pool

County Fair

 

Water

I freakin' love water and I hate the thought of having to ration it! This article is disheartening  - it shows how much water is actually wasted in American households. YIKES! I waste a lot. I am not proud of it but I need a nice, long shower. I will have to re-read this article and see where I can cut back or do better in my consumption of water.

 

http://www.good.is/post/this-is-a-turn-off/?gt1=48001

Psychopaths

Another interesting article about psychopaths which also backs up the belief that I have that a lot of people can be psychopathic but are not always criminals and get by in regular society unrecognized (undiagnosed) as psychopaths. This psychologist believes that it may be a learning disorder.

 

Psychologist adds scientific insight to loaded label of 'psychopath'

"For most people on the planet, the term "psychopath" evokes thoughts of violence and bloodshed - and evil of the darkest kind. But during 25 years, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison has built a body of work that may help temper such deeply ingrained perceptions."

"So who are psychopaths? Broadly speaking, they are people who use manipulation, violence and intimidation to control others and satisfy selfish needs. They can be intelligent and highly charismatic, but display a chronic inability to feel guilt, remorse or anxiety about any of their actions."

"Scientists estimate that 15-25 percent of men and 7-15 percent of women in U.S. prisons display psychopathic behaviors. The condition, however, is hardly restricted to the prison system. Newman estimates that up to 1 percent of the general population could be described as psychopathic. Surprisingly, many who fall into that bracket might lead perfectly conventional lives as doctors, scientists and company CEOs."

"But Newman has a different idea entirely. He believes that psychopathy is essentially a type of learning disability or "informational processing deficit" that makes individuals oblivious to the implications of their actions when focused on tasks that promise instant reward. Being focused on a short-term goal, Newman suggests, makes psychopathic individuals incapable of detecting surrounding cues such as another person's discomfort or fear."

"People think (psychopaths) are just callous and without fear, but there is definitely something more going on," Newman says. "When emotions are their primary focus, we've seen that psychopathic individuals show a normal (emotional) response. But when focused on something else, they become insensitive to emotions entirely."

My question - is violence always present in a psychopath? I have known a few people who fit this definition but violence is not evident in their behavior. Also I believe our society cultivates psychopathic behavior in a lot of ways. I mean how focused are we on instant gratification? Also, how often are we taught to tamp down or put a lock on our emotions (especially men) in order to complete a task or get through something difficult? How much are we taught to read (or the importance of reading people) emotional cues that would clue us into what others are feeling? I think in today's society, emotions and reading emotions are forgotten or are made out to be something that is not important or even something to be feared.

Here is another article about the psychopathic brain:

http://www.physorg.com/news168610123.html

"The research investigated the brain biology of psychopaths with convictions that included attempted murder, manslaughter, multiple rape with strangulation and false imprisonment. Using a powerful imaging technique (DT-MRI) the researchers have highlighted biological differences in the brain which may underpin these types of behaviour and provide a more comprehensive understanding of criminal psychopathy.

Dr Michael Craig said: 'If replicated by larger studies the significance of these findings cannot be underestimated. The suggestion of a clear structural deficit in the brains of psychopaths has profound implications for clinicians, research scientists and the criminal justice system.' "

If there are structural differences in the brain of a psychopath compared to a non-psychopathic individual then it would be interesting to combine brain scans with the testing mentioned in the Newman study from the first article I posted. This could help psychologists get beyond using prisoners and start using the regular population in studies of psychopathy. Of course, people may be resistant to being used in a study of psychopathy but I don't think you necessarily have to share the purpose of the study with the participants and of course all testing would be confidential. Interesting, interesting....I may be able to use some of this in school.

 

 

This one needed help...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32292246/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts

 

Gym killer leaves dark Web diary, details of plot

‘I chickened out!’ he wrote of same fitness class months before killing 3, self

 

This guy would have been a perfect candidate for counseling and group therapy. If only he would have gotten help before before he shot up the gym it probably would have never happened. I wonder if he was ever in therapy or if he didn't believe in it like a lot of men?