Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Disheartened - need inspiration to come out of hibernation...


Yet again I find myself needing inspiration. Argh! Winter semesters are so challenging for me. All I’ve wanted to do is hibernate. I have been feeling awful the last few months (physically and emotionally – last semester really took a lot out of me and Christmas break was not nearly long enough) so I haven’t really been blogging. No inspiration, no creativity - or what little bit of inspiration and creativity I have is so scattered; I feel like I am ADD. I don’t want to talk to people, go anywhere or do much of anything but read and watch TV. It is so frustrating. I hate feeling like this.

 

I am starting to come out of hibernation a little this past week – maybe because the weather was a little better. I feel more like writing but I am still scattered. I feel a little spark of creativity but there is so much I want to do and so much I have to do that I get overwhelmed. I don’t feel up to writing academically right now. I just figure though, that if I start writing some things will come into focus. Keeping a blog seemed to help a bit last winter and also in the fall so I am trying to just write, write, write to get my creative juices flowing. It is like it snowballs once I just start writing. I only hope it works this time around. I hate to waste time on my blog right now because I have 3 papers to write (among other things) and the pressure is on.

 

Why can’t just completing something be inspiration enough? Why can’t graduating? I don’t know. Well I think part of it is that my professors/classes are not very inspiring this time around. The classes could be good if only the professors were a little more ‘alive’ or something. I am not bored with school or the subject matter but in 2 of my classes (Community Psychology and Sociology of Race and Ethnicity) the profs are slow and boring. Not stimulating in the least. Heck I could just stay home and read the text. I also took an English class that is not proving very interesting (I miss literary analysis). It is all writing but it is not very structured and the prof (he is nice enough and flexible) likes to focus on pop culture in regards to each student’s major. I like pop culture but I find it difficult (too broad and complex) to write about. I just want to concentrate on conventional academics right now! My last class is an Algebra class (hopefully my last math class) and this is not my fave subject although at least this prof is livelier than any of the others.

 

Bottom line is I need inspiration and as much as I hate to say it I am not getting it from school at present. I just want to stay home and concentrate on other things like my husband, my family, my job, my health, and all my little liberal arts interests. But I can’t give up – have to keep on keeping on with school. Oh, yeah another thing that discourages me is the economy. I keep thinking, “Am I going to school for nothing? Is there going to be a decent job around when I graduate?” Eventually I would like something better than a McDonalds (or food service job, as much as I like it) job. I am working with a guy who just graduated – he has a bachelor’s degree and he is working at McD’s! That is sad. And it discourages me, bigtime. This guy that I work with still has hope though and he has gone on some interviews for some good jobs. A lot of people tell me not to give up home, that there will be something. My husband tells me he feels I am on the right path in school and I should stay on it. I am not tempted to quit but just disheartened. I hope everybody is right. I hope an education pays off even in a crappy economy (or the economy gets better). Plus the baby boomers have to retire sometimes, right?

 

 

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