Tinkering

I have been playing the computer game "The Sims" and in they (the Sims) can go and tinker with stuff - the dishwasher, shower, or a car. It has been reminding me of my Dad. He always says that when he retires he is just going to stay in his garage and tinker with stuff. Haha. I worry about my Dad sometimes. He works very hard - 7 days a week, 12 hour shifts when he can get the work, which is quite a lot. He does not have a lot of time to do fun things or hobbies, etc. I hope he makes it to retirement and is able to have a long enjoyable one. I don't think that 'tinkering' will be enough for him. He always needs to be doing stuff. We have talked a little about retirement. He and my mother do not want the same things. I want my Dad to have something for himself, something that he really wants because he has worked so hard all these years and has helped me and my brother out numerous times. I guess I am worried that because my Dad and my Mom do not want the same things then neither of them will get what they want or be happy. I want them to be happy. I hope that they can compromise. My Dad has already decided, though, that he will not be able to get what he wants. I want to tell him not to give up - that is a shitty thing to do to yourself. I wish he would find a way to work it out. I think there may be a way for both of my parents to have what they want. I have a few ideas but I don't think I should get in the middle of it, anyway there is no situation yet. He is not retired and my Mom does not know about any of this. I do know that she gets mad at my Dad because he is not open, emotionally. This is not likely to change. I probably should not be writing this but I think this is a problem with some people, especially older people. Some men just do not show their emotions. They repress them. That is what helps them keep going, and working so much. It has been on my mind so I thought I would write it out. I used to be scared that my Dad would die when I was young because his Dad died when he was only 16. I am lucky to have my Dad around a lot longer but I will be very pissed off if he dies before he retires. To work so long and so hard and not be able to sit back and enjoy it! I also will be pissed off if he is not able to enjoy a retirement because he gives up on his dreams or just doesn't form any dreams because he does not think it can happen. And most of all, I will also be pissed off if my parents become two mean old people always mad at each other and the world because neither of them can have what they want.

 

Here is a poem I had to analyze for the class "Reading Pop Culture". It reminded me of my Dad. My critique is after.

 

The Unknown Citizen

W. H. Auden

(To JS/07 M 378 This Marble Monument Is Erected by the State)

He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be

One against whom there was no official complaint,

And all the reports on his conduct agree

That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a saint,

For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.

Except for the War till the day he retired

He worked in a factory and never got fired,

But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.

Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,

For his Union reports that he paid his dues,

(Our report on his Union shows it was sound)

And our Social Psychology workers found

That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.

The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day

And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in every way

Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,

And his Health-card shows he was once in a hospital but left it cured.

Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare

He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Installment Plan

And had everything necessary to the Modern Man:

A phonograph, a radio, a car, and a Frigidaire.

Our researchers into Public Opinion are content

That he held the proper opinions for the time of year;

When there was peace, he was for peace: when there was war, he went.

He was married and added five children to the population,

Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his generation.

And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.

Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:

Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.

From Another Time by W. H. Auden, published by Random House. Copyright

© 1940 W. H. Auden, renewed by The Estate of W. H. Auden

I like the poem "The Unknown Citizen" by W.H.Auden. It kind of reminded me of my Dad. He works, pays his union dues, doesn't complain, just does what he need to do and does not over analyze things too. It is sad though. I was always think he is going to work until he dies and not have time to enjoy his life or retirement. He won't ever get to enjoy freedom but if he had the freedom I don't think he would know what to do with it. Too many years of doing what was expected of him, never thinking about what he really wants out of life. In my opinion that is the main idea of the peom.

A great many people, especially men, just live their lives like the "Unknown Citizen" Hey, it is easy just to live a life that already planned out for you - as long as you have the trappings that society finds important; such as being insured and having everything "necessary to the Modern Man: a phonograph, a radio, a car and a Frigidaire." Just go with the flow, do what is expected by society, don't overthink things (don't analyze society or your own actions). How can you be unhappy living a life like that? I say that especailly me live like this because they are supposed to work, be the breadwinners and never cry or complain. Stiff upper lip, be a man! My Dad would tell me (when discussing work issues) " It is not for me to wonder why but to do or die." I never understood that until I got older. That is all most people or jobs expect from you - do what they want, work how they want and get things done in their time frame and don't think about it to much. A bunch of mindless soldiers marching to a drum, willing to sacrifice their happiness and freedom to the cause. The cause being whatever is the fashionable beliefs of the day.

You really can't blame people for midlessly following society. Even if you analyze what is going on around you and disagree with society it is sometimes easier (and healthier or best for your survival) to just follow along. How many of us have not gotten caught up in just day to day living, trying to get by without really analyzing what we are doing or if we are really happy? Sometimes thinking for yourself and acting on those thoughts can be a luxury that cannot be afforded.

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I wrote this blog as a tribute to my Dad. I just want to express how much he means to me. How much I appreciate all his hardwork. Yes I do see it and appreciate it now. I may not have always but I see it now. I also want him to know that I may have not always followed his advice but I was listening. Now I hope that he will take some time for himself. I also hope that I can work as hard as him so if he needs me to, I will be able to take care of him.