Cross Another One Off The List

I have wanted to write about this but I have been too busy and too tired. I was looking over my pictures and realized that I am beginning to forget some of the little details that love to remember. Plus I think I will use the memories of my trip for an essay I have to write.

Cross another one off my bucket list – I finally stayed at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. I have wanted to stay there since I was a little girl and first visited the island. I remember making a promise to myself that very first time I visited the island – I remember staring at the porch, kind of put out because my parents wouldn’t take me on it, thinking someday I’ll be back and someday I will be on that porch. Quite a few years ago my husband, stepson, and I visited the island and I got to walk on the porch for the first time. I then made a promise to myself then that I would stay the night at the hotel. So I made it.

Saturday September 25, 2010

The day was cloudy and cold. Check in at the Grand is not until 4pm so we decided to spend some time in Mackinaw City first, exploring the Coast Guard icebreaker ship Mackinaw. That was really interesting and made me regret not considering joining Coast Guard when I was young. I would have loved sailing the Great Lakes.

We took the Arnold ferry over to the island, sitting on the enclosed bottom deck because of the cold. I missed not sitting on the top deck, wind blowing my hair into a mess of tangles, especially when I saw a rainbow island-hopping over the straights from Bois Blanc Island to Mackinac Island. Now that is a rainbow I know had a pot of gold or something even more valuable at the end of it. I wanted to snap pictures so bad but I knew they wouldn’t turn out too well through the dull windows of the ferry.  Ah, the downfall of trading photo opts and excitement for comfort.

We took the Grand Hotel carriage from the Arnold Dock and made it just in time. People on the street stop and stare at the Grand Hotel carriage as it passes by. I wanted to take the carriage to get the full experience of a Grand Hotel stay. I used to be one of those people who would stare at the carriage, wondering what it was like to be riding in Mackinac style, to be able to stay at the Grand. Now I was on my way. The carriage ride was special because it was something I hadn’t experienced before – at least not in that distinguished carriage. The slight blemish on the rose is that we had to share it with about 5-6 others people and numerous shopping bags so I couldn’t spread out or take all the pictures I wanted.

 

UGH! More pressing assignments call, more later...

Mackinac Bridge Walk

 

Because I have been feeling crappy I haven't been able to blog about walking the Mackinac Bridge over Labor Day. Well it took me a few weeks to recover from that whole week-end. Over the whole week-end I must have walked about 20 miles (6+ on Mackinac Island Saturday, 3+ on Sunday, and 9+ on Monday) and biked a little over 8 miles. YIKES! I didn't think I had it in me. It was fun though even though I am slow like the turtle. One of my happy memories bound to cheer me up is the memory of that week-end and also I got to cross something off my 'bucket list' - walking the Mackinac Bridge.

 

 

We (my husband, stepson and I) left Mackinac Island late Sunday afternoon and stayed in St. Ignace, within walking distance from the bridge. We got up early Monday morning but not early enough to see the Governor of Michigan cross the bridge. I wasn't too disappointed. I had wanted to sleep a little longer. Breakfast then we had to walk about a mile (at least that is what the hotel clerk said, I actually think it was more) to the bridge. We started out walking and I was feeling all the aches and pains of my overexertion from the island. I wasn't sure about this bridge walk but I rallied as we turned a corner in the road and had a rather dramatic view of the bridge. My heart swelled at the sight of the beautiful Mackinac Bridge, just like it always does but this time was a little different - I would be walking on it. Excitement started to creep in. You could just make out the masses of people walking on the northbound lane. Cool!

 

 

We walked down a huge hill (I knew I would be feeling it on the way back up to our car still parked at the hotel) and through a park to I-75 and the bridge. They had State police and some soldiers blocking traffic so we could cross the freeway to get on the northbound lane. They had an emcee (radio DJ?) pumping up the crowd. Soon we were on the bridge, starting the incline toward Mackinaw City. Again I had some doubts about my ability to walk the five miles across the bridge (the incline was working on me). I couldn't wait to get to the middle of the bridge at least; from there I knew it would be easier. The bridge was crowded with people, but not packed - all the people moving forward helped to spur me on. Of course I moved slow, not speed walking like some, and I had to stop and take pictures. Of course the view was fabulous but the day was cloudy so my pictures are as brilliant as they could have been.

 

 

There were soldiers posted periodically along the bridge to keep people out of traffic on the southbound lane and also to keep people from jumping. I saw a little boy with 2 canes, with MD (I assume) walking the bridge. Inspirational! On the water there were Coast Guard and Police boats (they had guns on the bow!) to keep boats from going under the bridge. One speedboat did try it, speeding across the water toward the middle of the bridge - 3 police boats/Coast Guard boats chased him down and blocked him. Exciting - a police chase on water. Woo woo, Sirens on the water!!

 

 

Cars and buses bring back walkers from the other side honked and waved at us as they passed. The whole walk had the feeling of a big party. Finally I made it to the middle and began the gradual dessent toward the other side of the straits. This seemed longer, I think it is longer. There was a finish line posted at the first exit of the freeway where people gave you a special little card proclaiming you did the bridge walk. We made it! It took us a little less than 2 hours. Now we just had to trek through town (an evil plan to get people to buy souvenirs, which of course we bought T-shirts) to find buses to take us to back to St. Ignace. I never was so happy to set my ass on a school bus, ha. I took movies of all the walkers on the way back. We actually saw the last walkers allowed on the bridge, they were followed by a State police car a big truck with yellow lights and a bus. I would have hated to be the last one - the pressure! I am glad I didn't sleep in. We were bused to the other side and had to walk back to our car up that huge hill. Let me tell you, I was so ready to sit down and couldn't move after but I did it! I walked the bridge! Now my husband wants to do it every year. I need to get in shape so I can walk it more than once in one day - some Wisconsin cheese head supposedly walked it 3 times that day.

 

O Crappy Day

This weather today sucks. It is cold and rainy in the Flint-town today. Miserable. I am not too fond of fall because of this nasty weather. The weather makes me ache (plus I overdid it this weekend). I am working on finding my inner sunny-ness though  I hope I am sucessful because I feel like crap - felt the same yesterday. I need some damn warmth and sun. My damn sinuses are making me tired and feel like I am waterlogged. All this nasty sinus drainage is messing with my lungs too. All I want to do is stay home and I can't do that. I don't need this right now. This crappy weather and the way I have been feeling is really screwwing up my semester. The homework is piling up.

 

UGH! Then today I found out that MSN Spaces is going away so I'll have to transfer this blog over to Wordpress (supposedly most stuff will transfer but not all). I love it HERE. It is easy to use, I like the way it is set up and I can have all my stuff all on one page. Now I will have to learn yet another blogging website. I may just hook it up to my blog for English class this semester but it would be hard to transfer everything. Poop! I love my blog design (the background - taken from a sunset picture I took) here too and I am not sure if it will transfer. Stupid MSN changing everything all the time.

 

What can I do to feel better? Maybe I'll go sit in a hot sauna. First I am going to blog a little about some happy memories.

Mackinaw Morning

It is cool and cloudy this morning in Mackinaw City. I hope it clears up but I am determined to have a good day even if it doesn’t. At least the wind died down.

We arrived late last night. The wind was fierce and whistled and howled outside our room. The hotel we stayed at reminded me of the Bates Motel, lol. It was sorta’ creepy (and cold) but I was so tired I ignored everything, including the way the wind rattled the window and door and blew the curtains, and got down to the business of sleep. Obviously we made it through the night all right. I even took a shower

We are heading out to the island later. We might kick around town here for a bit first.

Mackinac Week-End Repeat

I am so excited that I can't concentrate on what I should be doing. My husband and I are headed up to Mackinaw City and Mackinac Island this week-end. We got a great rate on a hotel so we couldn't resist. We plan to explore more trails while we are on the island, one imparticular - Manitou Trail and Tranquil Bluff Trail. I can't wait! I also want to chill at Anne's Tablet since I didn't hit it up the last time I was on the island.

 

We (my husband, stepson, and I) went to Mackinac over Labor Day week-end which was awesome. We stayed in St. Ignace Friday night, went on over to the Island for two days and Saturday night, and they back over to St. Ignace for Sunday night so we could do the Mackinac Bridge walk on Labor Day. I have been wanted to put this in my memory book here since I got back but haven't had the time.

 

On Mackinac Island we stayed at the Inn on Mackinac, which is the sister hotel to the Murray Inn where we usually stay. I had spent the night at that hotel before with my parents (used to be called Chateau Beaumont) when I first went to the island as a very young girl. I guess you could say that is the place I first fell in love with the island despite the fact that according to my Mom they did not have TV's at that hotel when we were there and we had to share a bathroom. I guess my Mom complained to the front desk about the lack of TV's and the lady behind the counter got all snobby on her stating, "You are staying at one of the most historical places in America and you want to watch TV?" My Mom retorted, "Tell that to a four (?) year old who wants to watch cartoons!" LOL I guess I got over it - I never care to watch TV when I am on the island anymore.

 

This trip we didn't have time for much TV> We hit up downtown first and got our shop on. Plus we had to buy tickets for the comedy show. We wanted it to be a surprise for my stepson but he saw the sign for the show and kept bugging about it. My husband bought the tickets and we both tried to keep it a secret. Stepson kept hinting around about it - "I wanna' check out the comedy show..." and "What's the plan for tonight?" Eventually we had to tell him.

 

Then we did a lot of walking of course. I love all the trails and scenery. We must have walked at least 6 miles the first day if not more. I got some good pictures but not so many as in the past becuase it was kind of overcast and I have tons of pics of Mackinac already. The only drawback was I was moving slow like turtle. We hit up the spa pool at the hotel before we went out for our night on the town.

 

We checked out the Stu Stewart comedy show later that night and I got buzzed off one of the giant drinks they serve at the show. It was fun and my stepson enjoyed it and met Stu. Then we hopped on down to Sinclair's Irish Pub to eat and check out the Michal Bailey Band. We were super excited for my stepson to see him play live. The band was awesome as usual and my stepson was impressed, especially since Michal came over to talk to us. I love that band! I was filled with love from being at my favorite place in the world, with my favorite people, listening to one of my favorite bands, and drinking my favorite drinks (screwdrivers). I couldn't stop drinking once I started, yikes! I only made a little bit of a fool of myself though - I have to give my stepson something to tease me about, ha.

 

The next day I had to scrape myself together for the 8 mile bike ride around the island. I managed it pretty well. After our bike ride we must have walked another 3 miles but then we pooped out and spent some time chilling around town and on the hotel front porch. It is nice to watch island life go by.

 

We left as the setting sun cast it's glowing, golden, magical haze over the water and island, as the blue and lavender twilight crept in. It was sad leaving the island but I wasn't feeling it to keenly because I knew I would be returning soon. I guess I cried with joy more upon arriving than I did with sadness upon leaving. I'm sure it will be different this week-end.

 

 

 

 

Stupid Sinuses

Ugh! I had to stay home from school today because my sinuses are so bad. I just couldn't get moving this morning. I had a really bad cold in the beginning of August and I have yet to get truly over it. I had antibiotics and everything. So sick of this shite - don't need it. Everybody has been complaining of their sinuses lately. I wonder what the problem is - can it be this screwy weather? Why is it back up in the 80's? I love hot weather but I could care less once school starts and the pool is closed.

 

I wish I had some magic to combat my sinus problem. I think it might be due to ragweed and perhaps mold. I can't concentrate when my nose is plugged. It just makes me feel totally out of it, tired and mouth breather dumb! Hence this stupid, boring blog entry.

 

I have been thinking about making an entry everyday, no matter how boring. It will keep me writing. Writing for school is not enough for some reason - I need a creative outlet I suppose. (Yeah righting a critique about a research article "Cross-Sensitization Between the Locomotor Stimulant Effects of Ethanol and Those of Morphine and Cocaine in Mice" is not very scintillating or stimulating for that matter). One of the things I like about keeping a blog is being able to go back and see what was going on at any given time. I have a diary I tried to keep when I was in Jr. High and it is so funny to go back and read some of the entries. I wish I had written more. Well I have my lovesick Juan notebook too. Now that is hilarious. Sometimes not really. I am full of contradictions lately. Well maybe always. Ha  

 

I do have some exciting news, exciting for me anyway but I will write about it under another blog title.

Full Days, Full Semester

Sitting in Cognitive Psych class - kind of bored. Well not really 'cause I can blog, but I hate this classroom - 422 Murchie Science Building, UM-Flint. I have 2 classes in this classroom this year so YUCK. For some reason this room makes me sleepy, it messes with my sinuses and it is always too damn cold. Plus the professor’s voice is somewhat hard to follow. I can't describe it. He has a Boston accent (he has said ‘draarariiings’ quite a bit today), his pitch is kind of low, kind of sounds like his nose is plugged (which mine is now, ha) and he kind sounds like a cartoon character but I can't place which one. He is hard to pay attention to. UGH, he is also the department chair and so focused on research. I am worried about this class because this professor also gets very bad reviews. All grading is based on tests and he admits his tests are hard. So we'll see.

 

I have a full semester this fall - 17 credits! Yikes, I didn't even realize how much when I signed up for everything. Plus I added Wind Symphony. At first I wasn’t going to take Wind Symphony; kind of wanted to but not sure how I could fit everything in. Well the symphony needs trombone players, even ones that play as ill as I do. So far so good though.

 

Sitting in Intro to Clinical Psych now – 329 MSB, UM-Flint. I don’t like this classroom much better but I love the class and the professor, Dr. Douglas. I have my internship with him also. He is awesome! He has a PsyD not a Phd and his main focus is counseling which of course I want to be my main focus. I love his class because he is funny and he actually gives us useful information like the difference between a PhD and a PsyD in psychology, how to get into grad school, and financials.  Dr. D is a busy, busy man. In addition to teaching at UM-Flint, he has clients that he counsels (some for free, he also works with vets for free) and also does public school assessments. I have only worked with him while counseling but I think I will also learn to do school assessments. So far I love the counseling part. I always thought I would but it is good to have it validated. Dr. D works a lot with (young) children, which I wasn’t particularly interested in but I found out I love it. I just need to learn more about the disorders/diagnoses.

 

I have an internship class which only meets once every 2 weeks, off weeks on a discussion board, in addition to at least 10 hours a week actually on internship. Believe it or not you have to pay for your internship – 3 credit class. That part kind of sucks and the work load too. The prof. that oversees internship, while nice and helpful, is big on assignments and taking on extra work. Her assignments are super detailed and multi-parted also. UGH! On one hand I like her but on the other hand she really annoys me.

 

Ahhh, my nose is clearing…422 IS bad for me.

 

My killer class this semester is going to be Advanced Writing and Research in Psychology. So far I really love the professor. She is a neuropsychologist whose main focus is on drug addiction and how it changes neuro pathways/structures in the brain. She is from England; I love her accent and voice, I do not really love the class though. Research is my weak spot – well research design and statistics. Right now we are reading a couple boring research articles and have to write reviews, pretending we are reviewers for a psych journal and looking at if the research was designed and performed correctly and also if the stats are correct. UGH! Later in the semester we are going to be researching and designing are own research project as a group and on an individual basis. Mine is on obesity. This class will actually span over 2 semesters. O joy! I guess this is the alternative to having to write a thesis in order to graduate.

 

I also have an English composition (advanced) class. I like the professor, I like his ideas. I just don’t write well for male professors. I am not sure why. I guess perhaps because I am afraid they might find my writing silly and emotional. Something I have to work on getting over. He wants us to write every day of course so we have to keep a blog(s) (one specific topic of our choice) for his class as opposed to a journal. I love blogging so I hope this won’t be too hard for me. Finding the time to write is my main obstacle. I actually created 2 new blogs because I wasn’t sure what to write about. I chose weight/obesity as a topic for one blog and being stepmother for the other. So far I have only started working on the weight blog. I have not decided if I want to connect my new blogs to this one yet. This blog is varied and more like a journal or diary, although my writing style (outside of research stuff) is always personal.

 

I went on a field trip this morning with English class. We all had to go to the Farmer’s Market and experience it. I have been to the Flint Farmer’s Market once. It is a cool place. It just won an award as being one of the top ten farmer’s markets in America. I looked around and kind of chilled – had a spinach and feta croissant and tea for breakfast. All the veggies looked great and there is a great cheese market there. I couldn’t really shop though because I had to go back to school. I want to make an effort to shop there. In addition to great veggies, I hear the meat is really good. There are other little shops there too – wine, used cds & books, and jewelry. My English prof. wanted us to get a sense of place and see how different people experience the same place.

 

http://www.flintfarmersmarket.com/

 

Well time to get the heck out of school for the day. I have all my classes save Wind Symphony on two days a week, which makes for a long, full day. Long days, full semester.

Slate Article

Can a Woman Be a "Great American Novelist"?

If you doubt unconscious bias exists, you live in a man's world.

http://www.slate.com/id/2267184/pagenum/all/#p2

An article after my own heart. I was thinking of this somewhat when I wrote my last blog. Personally I do believe there is a bias and women buy into that bias. But I also believe that women read more than men and tend to gravitate more towards women writers so perhaps womens works are being read more. 

Of course the power, at least in the literary world, belongs mostly to old, white men stuck in their ways so of course good writing by men is heralded more. I suppose men's writing is less sentimental, less touchy feel-y so it tends to be seen as 'great' while women are seen as more emotional and as writer of more personal, 'smaller' concerns - a lot of people don't understand or are scared of anything 'emotional'. Plus people tend to think 'big' when they think of a 'Great American Novel' - a story of epic proportions, high drama but stark of emotion. 

My Horoscope/Writing Abilities

" You're likely aware of your writing abilities, Sagittarius, but you may not realize the extent of your talent. It would be worthwhile to devote more time to your craft. You can't improve much if writing time is interrupted by other obligations. Take some time to produce something of value. Why not give it a try, even if just for a week or so, to see what you can do? "

I love my horoscope for today. I do need to devote more time to my writing - not sure I would call it my craft just yet though. 'Take some time to produce something of value.' I wonder if this blog would be considered something of value? Haha, probably not. Well it is invaluable to me because it does help me with my overall writing and my emotional health. Plus I would like to think I am leaving something for the future - my nephews or even my ancestors can look at it years from now and see what was going on, what I was like. I would like to work on my other writings though. I wrote a short story for a class last year I would like to polish. I am not sure it is any good but I guess that is why I should work on it...' devote more time to my craft.'

It is so weird. I have always said I love writing but yet I don't do enough of it. I suppose I love the idea of writing and I definitely love reading. I guess the reason I don't or haven't written a lot of stuff yet (other than mainly letters and this blog) is I am afraid my writing won't measure up. Do I have interesting stories to tell? On one hand I think I do (I think most people do - that is the psychologist in me I suppose, always interested in personal stories no matter how mundane), but my stories are all about me and my experiences. How do I get beyond that to create fictional stories that people want to read? How do I create meaningful stories? Stories that will stand the test of time and touch hearts and minds. That is part of my problem - I set myself up to fail before I begin because I want to write great stories that will be revered as classics. There is no sense in writing if I can't be this ages Jane Austin, haha. That is so bad. I need to get beyond that type of thinking but I always go back to it debating on what of value can I write, can I contribute to culture.

I know I can write beautiful characters, real characters but plot is more difficult. It is always said "Write what you know." What I know is interesting but not, in a way. It is hard to explain. Who wants to read a story about the middle class of our time? Or the working class of our time? Middle class/working class and about middle America! Can there be such as a thing as the great middle/working class novel of our time? Is it interesting enough? What would the plot be - work your ass off at crappy jobs, make due, until the your crappy rug is pulled out from under you and all your hard work is for naught? Boring, been done in more interesting ways. Plus how can sheltered old me even begin to 'write what I know' when what I know is so personal, so unique to my experience. I am dancing in circles. Perhaps I am making excuses. Perhaps I am not creative enough to write. =(  This makes me sad but yet I don't have the balls to practice, to create even if what I create leads to nothing substantial. UGH! 

Hot Weather

Hot weather = fun times in the pool.

Yay! Hot weather is back again and I hope to spend the next few days in the pool with my nephews. I can't wait. I love the weather to be hot (85+) in order to go to the pool or the beach. I cannot swim in cool weather - I really need to get over that! Plus the last few weeks I have been sick so I have been avoiding people. It has sucked! 

This summer has been a good one for hot weather and me and my husband have been able to spend some time at the beach, which is lovely. I am greedy and want more beach time. Of course we have spent some good times at the pool too. I love spending time in the pool with my nephews. It is fun watching them enjoy the pool (I am glad I insisted on having a pool, ha - knock wood) and learn to swim - they get braver each passing day. My nephew Kenny (he is 6) has been swimming like a fish this summer. He started out barely going under water at the beginning of the summer to going as far under as the pool is deep - he swims under and touches bottom now. He loves to swim. I always remember Kenny telling me I was a mermaid a couple of summers ago, now he is on his way to swimming like one too.

My nephew Alex (he just turned 4) also loves to be in the pool but he does not swim yet (as far as I know, it has been a few weeks since I was in the pool with him...now that I think of it he is dog paddling a bit) but he is on his way. He usually hangs out by the ladder but this summer he has started venturing out and recently started going under water. One day last month we were in the pool and he threw off his life jacket and announced he was going under water. I was like "Uh, OK" a little scared but you have to let the kids test themselves (I was actually more scared at his Mom's reaction but she wasn't around). He would dip under to test it out. It was so cute and lovely to witness his joy of the water. Alex is a funny little character and I hardly ever see him smile until he gets into the pool. 

Then there is Baby Brent who just turned 3. He also love the water just like his brothers and wants to swim in the pool just like them. Of course he sees them swimming around and wants to be just like his older brothers... or sees them without a life jacket and refuses to put one on himself. Actually he has always hated the life jacket. Most times we make him, threatening him with nap time if he doesn't cooperate. He puts on his life jacket fast enough then! He is a stinker. One time last month he was getting in the pool and refused to put his life jacket on. I let him get in without it thinking I would just hold onto him but the stubborn, brave baby decided he was going to swim like his oldest brother. The bad thing is he began to sink like a stone. I was right there as his little face went under water, his eyes got huge as he realized he was sinking and he began to panic. Of course I pulled him out quick as can be. He was alright and not too scared, I think he laughed once I pulled him out. I just hope that taught him that the life jacket is for his protection. Of course kids must push boundaries and test themselves. I just pray for my nephews to always be safe around the pool. 

Can I say again how fun and special it is watching these guys learn to swim? It is great to watch them develop each passing day. I wish I could spend more time with them. I also want to do a better job at keeping my memories of them, specially when they are young.

This summer I bought this log flume thingie for the pool. It is two blow up 'logs' that you sit on in the pool along with two blow up 'jousters' that you hit another person with to knock them off their log. I thought it would be fun and perfect for rambunctious boys to play with. If they could only stay on the log long enough. We found out that it is next to impossible to stay on the dang log. I had fun the first day I attempted to. My husband and nephews laughed at me as I tried to straddle the log and stay on. Of course the second I was on the log would roll and I would be dumped into the water with a shriek. It was fun. A couple of times I was able to stay on for more than a few seconds but Kenny thought it was more fun to see me get dumped into the water and he would push me off. My stepson Jordan is better at staying on the logs although we had fun teasing him because it looks hilarious to see anybody getting on the thing. He and Kenny actually were able to have a couple of jousts too, although I had to balance Kenny and hold his log. Jordan was the winner of the jousts of course. 

Ah summer memories, fun times in the pool. Those are the best!

Under Pressure

Take a deep breath Jackie!  I am so anxious today. I am thinking about school and alll I have to accomplish this year - I basically have to eat, breathe, poop, LIVE psychology. I predict I will be living in the psych dept. I have my internship on top of taking 13 other credit hours and perhaps working. I need to get involved in some research and I want to get involved volunteering in Flint. I start thinking about it and my mind starts racing. Then I think about all the decisions I have to make concerning the next year and graduate school. That is when the real anxiety kicks in. Whew! Can I do it all? Will I get in Grad school (psych programs are very competitive)? How will I pay for it? And will it all be worth it in the end? There is a doctorate program at U of M that is basically paid for because you work your way through but it is super competitive. My grade point average is up (providing I don't majorly screw up this year, ha) for it but to get in I would have to get my ass in gear and get involved in some research before applying as well as obtain some outstanding recommendations from profs plus practically ace the GRE. UGH! I would love to get in! On their website they say they get 300+ applicants a year but only accept about 5% of them - last year they only accepted 6!  So I am under pressure. I just need to relax and worry about this year and leave next year alone. SO this year my goals are:

 

Start on a weightloss program - eat better and exercise

Get all A's in my classes (I suppose I will settle for a B here and there if I have to)

Get involved in Psi Chi ( I was accepted last spring and I need to take advantage of mixing with other psych students) and any other psych club

Learn as much as I can from my internship and do a 'bang up' job

Get involved in some psych research at school

Get recommendations from my psych professors

Don't procrastinate!!!

 

Yay! It made me feel better to write all this out.

 

 

Role Ambiguity?

StepMom Magazine had a discussion on facebook that was interesting. I am going to repost it here with my answer.

"Role ambiguity is a common issue for stepmoms. It is intensified by social expectations that stepmothers should love children "as their own" yet not "overstep" any maternal boundaries. A challenging balancing act! How do you find peace and achieve balance in your role?" StepMom Magazine, Facebook

UM, I try to ignore the social expectations as best as I can a do what I think is right. While I never wanted to step on BM's toes and usurp her role (like I ever could??) it seems that my just being with her ex-husband and in their son's life has done just that so what is a woman to do? I am not going to disappear and neither is the kids father so BM and society will just have to to like it or lump it. I do what I think is best, all the while trying my hardest to protect my stepson from any 'parenting issues'.

Do Re MI

 

I love this! Why can't I ever get involved with something like this? Maybe 'cause I am not coordinated enough to dance in sync, LOL. The closest I've come something like this is being in a bar where everyone was singing along with a karaoke song. I am putting this on my bucket list - be part of a 'impromptu' mass performance. hehe

 

 

Here is one that may be more my speed. This is cool - very artsey.

Not enough child support?

This man is a billionaire and only gives his children $10,000 a month in child support. Not sure is this is for each child or not. The children, who are 18 and 22, are seeking $400,000 a month each. That is astronomical! In a way I can see why the guy is fighting it - his children should get an education on the money they do get and make their own way in the world. Of course if you are that wealthy why wouldn't you want to share the wealth with your children? But you should not be forced to. All in all I think all parties involved are greedy. 

http://specials.msn.com/A-List/Lifestyle/Billionaire's-child-support-case.aspx?cp-searchtext=Billionaire's%20child%20support%20case

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2010/08/billionaire-kids-donald-bren-child-support.html

Benefits of Sex

Here is a nice little video about the benefits of sex. Something to keep in mind: 30 minutes of sex burns 85 calories. ;p

http://health.msn.com/fitness/video.aspx?vid=0ec1f2ef-bfa1-4508-b1a0-fb3e8853ad4e

Yet Again, More Weight Loss Inspiration:

Looking for the magic to inspire me to get off my ass and get serious about losing weight. Off and on the past couple of months I have been more active. I have also been eating less and trying to eat healthier but I have not been a hard ass about it. I really want to get 'hardcore' about setting goals and sticking to some plan. It is the only way I am going to achieve some serious weight loss, which I need. I do not want to be fat for my graduation, or for the rest of my life. 

http://health.msn.com/weight-loss/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=100261909&imageindex=1&q=A+Lifelong+Battle

http://health.msn.com/fitness/video.aspx?vid=15ff65a9-128f-499b-bf80-d9d449ea4489

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

Antisocial

I am feeling so 'antisocial' lately. I just want to stay home, read my favorite books, dream, imagine (get lost in make believe, ha) and write to my heart's content. 'I vant to be alone'. It is very frustrating though because there are many things I should be doing and I feel like I let my husband down when I want to be this alone. Plus it is lonely. I usually can deal with it pretty well because I generally like being by myself (I am comfortable being by myself) but I have this very persistant, plaguing notion I am letting myself and loved ones down. I have got a few things done, like a whole lot of laundry and I organized my linen closet (oh joy). I also have all my books for fall semester and I have started reading. I almost feel like I need this time before things get too hectic again. I am soon to start working for the Census again - before I know it school will be starting which will be pretty hectic with my internship and all. Ugh, getting anxious. Time to get back to reading Anne of Green Gables and imagining.

 

 Greta Garbo, famous actress and noted recluse. She has been credited with saying "I vant to be alone." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greta_Garbo

StepMom Magazine

I recently subscribed to an online publicaton called StepMom Magazine. I was enticed through thier facebook page. I discovered it some time ago but for some reason I was hesitant to subscribe. I guess it is because so much of the attitude of people toward stepmothers seems to be basically 'shut up and put up'. Even some stepmothers advise others this way usually in a gentle manner. I obviously don't agree with that philosophy (well generally speaking) so I was disatisfied with much being published about being a stepmother. This online publication goes beyond that philosophy as well as explores topics other than 'finding yourself' outside of the stepmother and wife role. It explores topics such as parental alienation, biomoms gone bad, the pain of divorce, how kids deal with divorce, etc. I love it! Just what I needed - I am so excited to have found it.

 

An article in the June publication deals with 'taboo subjects stepmothers are afraid to talk about' (by Jacquelyn B. Fletcher). It is a little cliche IMHO but also has some interesting points. I suppose I am quick to dismiss topics I feel that don't fit my experience like 'Jealous when my husband kisses or hugs my stepdaughter or angry when one of the kids sits between us on purpose.' I have never felt that because I love it when my husband and stepson spend time together. Granted I don't have a stepdaughter (and perhaps that is a little different dynamic) and I have a unique role as a stepmother (I have always had to provide transportation since my husband does not drive). I wish they could spend more time together without me having to be involved, haha. Well all that is changing 'cause my stepson cn drive now.

 

I like this topic: 'Horrified at the ex-wife’s behavior'. Of course I don't feel like that is a 'taboo subject' to talk about other than talking about it with my stepson. I feel like that type of thing should be talked about more and more because there are a lot of biomoms out there gettting away with an awful lot of crappy behavior which is detrimental to their children.

 

I love this advice from the author:

 

"Turn on your curiosity."

 

"If you are stuck wishing your stepchildren would stay at their mom’s house or fantasizing that the ex is hit by a bus, try turning on your curiosity. Ask yourself questions that spark your interest such as: I wonder why my stepson is so belligerent today. Maybe something happened at school. Maybe he’s hitting puberty? I wonder why the ex is so angry? Could she be scared? Could she be insecure because she thinks I’ll judge her? You can bet that if you’ve had a terrible, horrible thought about your stepfamily life, another stepmother has had the exact same thought. Even better? Instead of dwelling only on what isn’t working you can decide to focus on positive thoughts and actions that can help you build a happy stepfamily." (Fletcher, StepMom Magazine June 2010)

This is good advice. I have actually been doing this since I met my husband and stepson although I will admit I sometimes have trouble focusing on the positive when my husband's ex is at her worst. I can actually say that the problems I have with being a stepmother, being in a 'blended family' or whatever have not had a lot to do with my stepson or husband but more to do with processing the anger, the bad behavior of my husband's ex.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/StepMom-Magazine/46484521686

http://www.stepmommag.com/Default.aspx

Wish

Today is my Mommy's 60th birthday! It is hard to believe my parents are really that old, haha. How can this be possible when I still feel like their little girl? I remember one surprise party we had for my Mom back when she was young, younger than I am now (it must have been before her parents died). She was so thin and looked fabulous in a bikini. Superficial observation, but that is what I remember - that and her energy, optimism, and drive. She was healthier then, and happier. She still has the drive but a lot of the energy, optimism and happiness has been sapped out of her by health issues and life's trageides, or can I say (I wanna' write this for some reason) life's relentlessness. I wish that for her birthday she can regain some of that happiness, that optimism and energy from her younger days. She still looks fabulous.

 

  Mom and Me, Disney Cruise, 2005

Frida

Frida Kahlo

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frida_Kahlo

 

I saw a portion of the movie Frida this week-end and I wanted to know more about her. I just started investigating and all of a sudden I am fired up - inspired. Her life story is very interesting. I love her paintings, so colorful and dreamlike. There are deep psychological messages in them, something of the subconscious. I want to know more, see more. It is weird because her style of painting (surrealism, almost pop art) isn't usually my cup of tea but I am drawn to them.

 

From wikipedia:

"Kahlo once said, 'I paint myself because I am so often alone and because I am the subject I know best.' " I love it! I am totally feeling that. That is my blog - I write about myself because that is what I know best. I wish I could paint.