StepMom Magazine

I recently subscribed to an online publicaton called StepMom Magazine. I was enticed through thier facebook page. I discovered it some time ago but for some reason I was hesitant to subscribe. I guess it is because so much of the attitude of people toward stepmothers seems to be basically 'shut up and put up'. Even some stepmothers advise others this way usually in a gentle manner. I obviously don't agree with that philosophy (well generally speaking) so I was disatisfied with much being published about being a stepmother. This online publication goes beyond that philosophy as well as explores topics other than 'finding yourself' outside of the stepmother and wife role. It explores topics such as parental alienation, biomoms gone bad, the pain of divorce, how kids deal with divorce, etc. I love it! Just what I needed - I am so excited to have found it.

 

An article in the June publication deals with 'taboo subjects stepmothers are afraid to talk about' (by Jacquelyn B. Fletcher). It is a little cliche IMHO but also has some interesting points. I suppose I am quick to dismiss topics I feel that don't fit my experience like 'Jealous when my husband kisses or hugs my stepdaughter or angry when one of the kids sits between us on purpose.' I have never felt that because I love it when my husband and stepson spend time together. Granted I don't have a stepdaughter (and perhaps that is a little different dynamic) and I have a unique role as a stepmother (I have always had to provide transportation since my husband does not drive). I wish they could spend more time together without me having to be involved, haha. Well all that is changing 'cause my stepson cn drive now.

 

I like this topic: 'Horrified at the ex-wife’s behavior'. Of course I don't feel like that is a 'taboo subject' to talk about other than talking about it with my stepson. I feel like that type of thing should be talked about more and more because there are a lot of biomoms out there gettting away with an awful lot of crappy behavior which is detrimental to their children.

 

I love this advice from the author:

 

"Turn on your curiosity."

 

"If you are stuck wishing your stepchildren would stay at their mom’s house or fantasizing that the ex is hit by a bus, try turning on your curiosity. Ask yourself questions that spark your interest such as: I wonder why my stepson is so belligerent today. Maybe something happened at school. Maybe he’s hitting puberty? I wonder why the ex is so angry? Could she be scared? Could she be insecure because she thinks I’ll judge her? You can bet that if you’ve had a terrible, horrible thought about your stepfamily life, another stepmother has had the exact same thought. Even better? Instead of dwelling only on what isn’t working you can decide to focus on positive thoughts and actions that can help you build a happy stepfamily." (Fletcher, StepMom Magazine June 2010)

This is good advice. I have actually been doing this since I met my husband and stepson although I will admit I sometimes have trouble focusing on the positive when my husband's ex is at her worst. I can actually say that the problems I have with being a stepmother, being in a 'blended family' or whatever have not had a lot to do with my stepson or husband but more to do with processing the anger, the bad behavior of my husband's ex.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/StepMom-Magazine/46484521686

http://www.stepmommag.com/Default.aspx