Back to the same ole, same ole

Struggling! OK, I haven't been writing in my blog too much lately. Not enough energy. ARGH! This is frustrating to me because there is so much I want write about, not just my personal life and struggles but also I am yearning to write about issues that matter to me. It seems the more I write, the more things become clear in my mind and I begin to generate ideas. I love ideas! And I want to create - I love creating.  I just need to find the freakin' energy to write everyday. This summer has been a mixed bag of some great vacations and a lot of activity between feeling sick and run down. I have had very little time for writing and creativity, although I have done a little reading which has started the wheels turning in my head. I need to find more energy. I have a pretty good idea what has been bringing me down - allergies have been super bad this year, and my chronic fatigue has been very bad... so I get sluggish and depressed. It seems I have developed asthma or some kind of lung problem. My Doctor is no help at all, not even for my allergies. Doctors have really not been any help to me at all for a while now. I have been severely let down it this department. Health care really sucks these days! This makes me just want to give up.

 

My efforts to find more energy:

 

I have been trying to exercise. I bought a wii and the wii fit board. I love it - it actually makes exercising fun so I hope that will help my energy level. I need to start eating better and taking vitamins. My thinking is I need to buckle down and lose some weight and work on getting healthier. I feel the less I weigh, the better I eat, the more I will be able to build up my immune system. My breathing problems could be tied into my weight problem.

 

I have been going to an alternative health practioner (well just 2 visits so far) of holistic medicine. Actually my Mom has been taking me. I have not really seen any benefits yet; I am hoping to eventually see some the more I go, the more I take the medicines she gives me, as well as my efforts to eat better, take vitamins and exercise. I just need to keep at it. Kick into high gear.

 

I also need to start writing again to try and keep me from getting frustrated, angry and depressed. The only thing is I need to find energy - need to keep my energy level up. All this comes back to energy and it roles in around in a vicious cycle. No energy to do everything I need to do let alone exercise and eat better, no energy to write, so then I get depressed and sick and have even less energy, then I get discouraged and want to eat to perk myself up, and lay around to try and get some kind of rest.... round and round. I need to stay positive and rely heavily on will power to get stuff done. Exhausting!! But I will break out of this cycle.

 

Next week starts school again. I am excited to go back but I am also apprehensive. There is so much I want to accomplish - do I have the energy? Am I ready to face the challenges? Can I juggle school, work, trying to shape out, family and all the activities I want to do? I feel very weak. I have been feeling especially weak for the past year and a half. It really sucks. I was hoping to feel better before I went back to school this year but I truly don't . Scary. So I am back to the same ole, same ole - feeling like crap, struggling to get prepared for school, and hoping for the best.